One Pair Of Booties

Baba was told he was having a baby sister just before Mother’s Day.

Most of my presents were for Rhianna Lily as well as me that Mother’s Day.

I got a great big bag, all in pink for Rhianna’s things.

A cd for myself.

A coat, an all in one and a pair of booties for Rhianna

His little face when he gave it to me lit up

He was so proud of himself and had chosen things by himself.

He was so looking forward to his baby sister.

He could not wait for me to open my presents

Everything I opened he told me it was for Rhianna Lily

Such a proud big brother at such a young age.

It was things at the time I loved.

I loved watching his face,

His smile

His joy.

But they quickly became things that I couldn’t look at anymore.

Less than a week later, Rhianna was dead

I only got to enjoy those gorgeous items for a little while

Got to hold them to my bump imagining her wearing them

It was all taken away too soon

And I didn’t want them thrown away but they had to be hidden.

Mr L put them in a drawer.

From that day on they have sat in a drawer.

Since the 23rd March 2012

The drawer has been the same

A pink and white strippy short onesie

A yellow and black short onesie

A Daisy Duck blue and white polka dot dress

A pink coat

One pair of pink knitted booties

All sitting waiting for a baby

A baby that came and never breathed and went

All the clothes in the same place

Sat for two years

I open the drawer

I look at them

I think I need to do something with them

And then I close it

Rhianna Lily never wore them

But they were

They are her clothes

They always will be

No one elses

Always hers

But they just sit there

Waiting for the child that wont come

I fold them

Hold them

Put them close to my face

Imagine her in them

Cry about them

And put them back

But it can’t stay this way forever

Something has to happen with them

They are Rhianna Lily and they are beautiful and they are in a drawer

Yesterday I got her booties out

I got her key ring out for her named star

And I found my box frame that had a very dark black diamond centre

I covered the centre with baby paper and fixed the key ring and the booties inside

It was a simple thing to do.

An easy thing to do.

But something that is so beautiful.

Once I made it, I took it downstairs and put it on the only wall with no pictures on in the lounge.

Pride of place

Where everyone can see it

Just as Rhianna Lily should be

Where no one can forget her

And where her booties can be seen every day

Her one pair of booties

Brought by her big brother

He was so proud that day

And they deserve to be displayed

He would have loved her wearing them

He would have told the world he brought them

Instead he loves them in the box

It’s not what any of us wanted

But it’s what we have got

And we love it