Mother’s Day Part Two

I was dreading Mother’s Day there was a part of me that really didn’t want it to happen. The day where all the Mother’s in the world celebrate that they are a Mother and their children give them gifts and thank them.

How are you supposed to do that when only one child is surviving?

It is a strange feeling.

I really wasn’t looking forward to it.

It was the day unlike any other when I was reminded every single second of every single moment that there was only one of my children here. But to give Baba credit he did really well in making it a fab day.

I got my presents early I think that helped, I was able to lay in and for the first time in his four years, Baba and Mr L sat down and did the one thing that I have always wanted.

They made me a card.

They didn’t just buy it.

And it meant the world.

It was much more special than a card just brought from the shops.

I was really busy all day, we were visiting Mr L’s mum, we were having all my family here for tea and it helped. It really helped.

It meant that I couldn’t sit and think.

I couldn’t cry there were too many people here.

It seems to be the best way for me to cope, to be surrounded on the harder days. Making sure that I don’t have time to stop.

That the thoughts don’t overpower me and make me break down and cry.

I didn’t want to cry on Mother’s Day, after all it was a day for Baba too and I didn’t want him to see me sad. I wanted him to think that he was enough on Mother’s Day that I wasn’t just thinking about his sister!

Which obviously I wouldn’t be, but to a four-year old that is what he would see. And I didn’t want him too. I wanted to be happy for him.

I had to be happy for him, and being busy helped that.

We went shopping and I was allowed to pick some flowers, I found a bunch with a beautiful pink butterfly in. It instantly reminded me of Rhianna. It made me a little happier having that butterfly on Mother’s Day. It was like it was a sign, one so subtle but one still the same. I brought them and proudly displayed them in the kitchen.

The heart of the home where she should always be!

It wasn’t until the evening, when the house was sorted and the quietness set in that the thoughts became the strongest. I was said, I was angry that Rhianna Lily wasn’t here. I wanted her here and wanted to be having my Mother’s Day with both my children rather than just the one.

I was getting upset.

And then a text arrived, just a simple text from a friend asking if I had a good Mother’s Day and that Rhianna was twinkling down on us extra lots on Mother’s Day.

It was such a simple gesture.

Something that took no time at all.

But one that meant the world.

Knowing that not I was thought off, but Rhianna Lily was being thought off too.

It doesn’t take a lot.

But it means everything to me.

And that simple, tiny, small text really got me through the evening. When everything was quiet and my thoughts could have taken over.

Instead they didn’t.

And I coped

I did it, I survived my first Mother’s Day without Rhianna.

It will never be right, Mother’s Day will always be a little bit wrong until the end of my days. There will always be a slice of the cake missing. But I now know that I can do it.

I can survive it

And Baba and Mr L do make it ok.

But it doesn’t stop me missing her, it doesn’t stop me from wishing the impossible just for Mother’s day.