Just a Pram

It doesn’t have to be a big thing.

You don’t even have to be thinking about it.

It just happens

And you are thrown

Today it was a pram

Our day had been a really good day, enjoying the sun, being a family and just shopping

We had been for a lovely lunch and Baba had got his gold clubs,

It was a really good day

And then we went to Toys R Us

Again it was a really good day

The kids were happy and we were just looking around

Then I saw the pram

It was a toy pram

A beautiful wooden pram, that had a purple cover and a purple hood

It was just the type of pram I would have picked for Rhianna

A beautiful wooden pram that would be perfect for a recently turned three-year old

I commented to Mr L that we should be buying that

And I had to stop and move

I felt the words struggle in my throat

And knew that if I stayed there any longer I would cry

I could feel the tears coming

They were getting stuck in my throat

They were piercing my eyes

I miss her, so much every day

I want to be buying girlie things

Having a little person with long hair

Wanting to wear dresses,

Ride ponies and do ballet

But I don’t and I miss her

Most days I miss her quietly but every so often

Usually when you least expect it something happens that makes me mess her even more

Today was one of those days

There is nothing you can do

Nothing that can stop it

Or prevent it

It happens

The simplest thing

A toy pram in a shop

Sets you off

Everywhere every day there are reminders

You can’t stop it

You can’t guess it

The pain never ever ends!

Photo from Rhianna Lily’s new flowers that we took to her grave on Friday evening. Three bunches of silk flowers including her lily that her Aunty gave her for her birthday.