Do You Know
We get asked all the time, “How are you?”
We respond with “We are ok considering”
“No but really how are you?”
“We have good and bad days, but we are getting there”
Do you know what that’s a lie
We are both fantastic liars
Neither of them statements are true
Both are lies,
But would anyone really want to know the truth.
Would you want to know that everyday is a living hell
That getting out of bed is an achievement
That the only person we are living for is Baba
That really part of both of us have died
And we will never be the same again
Do you want to know that on average I cry three times every day
That I go to sleep every other night crying
That I talk to Rhianna everyday
And will never hear a reply
Do you want to know that we are always going to be parents of two children
But you will only ever see one
We will only ever know one
That we are parenting a grave
Making sure that it is the most beautiful thing in the world
Because that is all we have
Do you know that when you ask “How are you?”
All we want to say is…
“We are broken in two, part of us is dead, and we will never be the same again
And we want something that can never happen and no one can ever give us”
But we don’t
You know what we will do,
We will say a little lie and tell you “we are ok and getting there”
But maybe this time you will actually know!
xxx
Thanks Carol xx
No words – tears pouring down my face – sending hugs x
Thank you so much sorry to make you cry xx
I love you, sweet lady. My heart aches for you every day. I could give you a million cliches but none of them will mean anything, so all I can do is be here. Lots of love xxx
Thank you that means a lot xx
Very moving and very sad. I don’t know how I would cope in your shoes.
Warmest wishes xxx
Thank you, to be honest I don’t think we would if we didn’t have Baba he is a reason to cope! xx
But you know what? We can change this, a little bit by saying it. By breaking down the walls and the taboos one by one and just saying “It’s awful, but I’m upright. Thanks for asking”.
I really believe that we have to. People say such daft things but it’s lack of practice and lack of familiarity of the subject. Those of us in it can change this enough that if our children ever go through the same, people will just be a little more aware and able to support and listen – and hear.
Thinking of you often.
I believe that we have to change it as well, it needs to be changed doesn’t it. Thank you always speaking wise words xxx
I think this puts in to words what every baby loss mum must feel. We live in a society where people want everything to be okay. But what you have been through.. It’s not okay. and it probably never will be okay, so with respect to everyone else, you can be how ever the hell you like!! x
Thank you and I will take that on board x