How Has It Affected Them?

One thing that I have always always worried about is how Rhianna dying has affected the boys.

It’s something I will never really have the answer to I don’t think.

But something that I worry about every single day.

Less some days more other days.

But I still worry about it.

I worry about BB being here when she died.

I worry about Boo coming after she died.

I worry about how we have dealt with things over the years.

A total blind leading the blind scenario.

And I worry if it has always been the right thing to do.

There are so many times they are broken.

There are so many times they are so strong.

Stronger than us put together.

And there are times when they question.

They have all the questions and none of us can give them the answers.

There are times when they are angry.

As there are no answers there are no right or wrongs and no one can magically bring their sister back.

They have had the unthinkable happen.

One of them was so excited to have a baby sister and it was snatched away.

One of them has always had his sister taken away before he was even here.

They are such huge things to fathom out in your head.

The feelings, the questions, the non answers just everything.

And we struggle.

So how do they do it all?

It worries me we haven’t always done it right.

It worries me sometimes we have done more damage than good.

It worries me that we can’t take all that pain away for them.

And it worries me what they miss out on.

It worries me this could affect them when they are older.

It always worries me.

And it isn’t anything I can ever answer or solve.