Missing You

I have been absent for a while.

Truth be told I have been struggling this month.

As you know I found the new year difficult, moving onto another decade, leaving the only decade Rhianna existed behind.

I really struggled with it and I haven’t really recovered if I am totally honest.

And it didn’t help when Boo started Beavers.

Its always the most bizarre things.

He has been desperate to start Beavers, and I am sure his sister would have continued the love for Scouting and Boo would have had a term of Beavers with his sister before she joined Cubs and we would have had all three kids in Beavers, Cubs and Scouts.

It made me think.

It made me a little sad.

It seemed worse that it all fell on the new year of the one year I have really struggled with for a while.

So I did all I could think to do.

I went on a massive sort out in the house.

It is something I seem to do to help me when I am not feeling my best.

I don’t mean have a clean.

I mean a complete and utter blitz.

We have sorted the clothes, the shoes, the cupboards.

All the places that always get filled with crap.

Mr L has gone through every tool, nail, screw and door handle he owns and has sorted them all out.

We have been through the boys clothes and have bags to sort for the clothes bin, charity or to sell.

We have sorted all our shoes.

We have sorted the shoe cupboard, the tool cupboard, the coat cupboard, the golf bags, and the Christmas cupboard.

I have even started on my Tropic area, I still have paperwork to sort but it is all in the right place.

Everything is organised and I feel a bit better.

Missing Rhianna hasn’t gone

But I am getting better and better at managing my bad times.

I am getting better at not falling into a pit of despair.

I am getting better at recognising why I am feeling bad, even if it takes me a while, this time a couple of weeks.

I know it is hardly ever the reason I would think it to be.

That is far to simple.

But I know that.

I understand that something I think will be bad, can be good, something that is so simple can break my heart.

It’s never something you can preplan.

It will always just be as it is.

But I know it will get better.

Soon after loosing Rhianna I read about grief coming in waves, and it does.

The thing you have to learn is to ride those waves.