When You Have A Photo…
Of your baby…
That no one wants to see…
Do you know how hard that is?
It is a question that I have asked lots of people over the weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to have a photo of your baby that no one wants to see?
You have had a baby, you show the photos to every person you see. They are plastered on twitter, Facebook, your blogs, and every other place you can think of in the world. Your walls become full of them, there is a picture from their first moments, first day, first week, first bath, first smile etc etc etc. Your walls become full.
Whenever someone comes in the house, it doesn’t matter whether the baby is there or not they can see all the latest pictures and the past pictures of that baby. The first Christmas comes, presents are easy you give everyone a picture. One of your baby in a Christmas outfit or just one of your favourite pictures between them being born and their first Christmas.
It is almost like a mandatory right of being a parent.
So imagine when your baby has died.
People don’t want to see those pictures.
We have them but no one wants to see them, we have all seen them, Baba, Mr L and I. But we are restrained in what we do with them. We don’t have them up, as we are aware that people don’t want to see them. We have a picture next to our bed and two tiny pictures of Rhianna with me and Rhianna with her Daddy. That is all.
Anyone who walks into our house, sees pictures galore of Baba and none of Rhianna!
And I hate it.
We didn’t get to send a picture at Christmas, we don’t have family that all know what Rhianna looks like. In fact very few of our family have even looked at them.
We get that they are hard to look at, we both find them hard to look at, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
It doesn’t mean that it feels like she has just been pushed to the side. That no one cares.
When you have a baby people want copies of your pictures. They want to display them too. Only one person has ever asked for a picture of Rhianna!
It is a blow that you don’t really need added to your pain.
Her extended family are grieving her and have never seen her. It hurts and it continues to hurts and there is nothing to ease the pain of having a picture that no one wants to see.
Oh my heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine what it must be like. I’m so sorry
xxx
Thank you xx
Oh my sweet, I say that you need to do what you need to do, and to hell with making others comfortable. If you want to have photos of your beautiful girl up in your home, then you should. In your heart she is just as loved as Baba, and why shouldn’t she be in your home?
I know it’s tough, I struggle with these things all of the time. My husband doesn’t want to see some of the photos of Finley because it’s not how he wants to remember him. But they are my favourite photos. I do have some of the other photos of him in our lounge. I recently had a portrait done of him, and my husband really likes it. It seems softer in a way. I plan to frame it and hang it. Maybe you could do something similar? The artist is very good to work with and can do pretty much whatever you like. Just a thought anyways.
I just think you have enough to be dealing with without worrying about how it will effect others xxxxxxxxxxxx
It is so tough isn’t it I really really struggle with this one, a lot more than Mr L I think that is because scrapbooking is what I do I am so focussed on my photos and I just find it so so tough! xx
P.s. I’d love to see a photo of Rhianna. It will be easier to imagine her and Finley together somehow x
Thank you Lisa that is so lovely xx