Two Months On

Today it is two months since our beautiful baby girl was born, I could easily sit and write what I wrote for when it was one month all over again. The feelings are still the same, everything I wrote that day we still feel. Although it is different.

The feelings are stronger, the pain is harder and the reality is oh so much harsher. There is no parallel living that there was a month ago, that first month felt like we were on the sidelines, looking in at an awful reality that really was not happening to us. There were moments that were so strange, so serial that they didn’t seem real. I remember always thinking that we would get back to normal soon. Mr L went back to work, Baba got his routine back and I went back to work.

But we no longer have a normal.

We are all slowly realising that this is not going to end, this is our reality. This will always be a reality. We will forever be a little sad, forever be mourning our beautiful girl. That is what makes it so harsh, we can’t ever walk away from this and switch this off. It is a hard thing to realise you can no longer sit on the side lines and act like you are watching in, you are living it and you have to face it.

It is always there, the pain, the sadness, emptiness, there is never a break. You constantly have it in your thoughts, it may not be at the front but it is always there.

We will find a normal one day I know that we will, but it will be different to what normal was before, we will forever be a family with our perfect angel beside us.