Debriefing!

When we had Rhianna Lily we were told that there would be a debriefing around 6 weeks after her birth to go over both of our bloods, and any chromosome issues and her birth and pregnancy to try to discover what went wrong.

We didn’t opt for a postmortem because after the birth it was very clear what had happened, although this wont be confirmed until her debriefing. But the consultant and the midwives that we sure were all 99.9% sure that was the problem, more about that later on.

We have waited and waited for this debriefing, for numerous reasons, to know for certain what the issue was, to know if there is anything that we should be checked for in the future, to know what the plans for our future pregnancies will be and for closure.

We need this debriefing, we have gone back in time where we are a little in limbo, like we were between her death and funeral, it always seems as though we are waiting. We were very good and did wait for six weeks, we actually waited 8 weeks before we said anything and started to chase it.

Last week we had both had enough and I decided to make a call to the midwife to see what was happening, she promised that she would be in contact with an appointment date asap, and would find out what was happening. Yesterday we still hadn’t heard anything, so off another text went to see if we could find out anything else.

Our midwife called yesterday some test results have still not come in, we are still waiting on the Chromosome tests to check that there was nothing unusual going on. She still says they are all under the impression that what happened is the result of Rhianna leaving us, but we obviously want to go into the debriefing with as much 100% information as possible which is why we are still waiting for the test results. We have been told by the bereavement midwife that we are looking at another four weeks roughly until we get our appointment.

It is a tough one this, part of me really doesn’t want this debriefing it is like the final part of Rhianna’s story once this is done her story medically is finished that fills me with a lot of sadness. It is so abrupt and so short. A birth, a death and a meeting that is what her life has been that really upsets me. I know that it is not the end of her story with us, but medically she is done. So I don’t want it I don’t want it all to be finished so quickly.

The flip side is that I want to know as 100% as I can what happened, I want to know that what we think happened did happen and that we haven’t missed something awful throughout the pregnancy. If we did I am not sure how that will affect me, we will cross that near the time.

I also want to know what the plans are for the future, I want to know how I will be checked, when I will be checked and what the all the plans are for my next pregnancy. Where I can give birth, when I will give birth and everything else that comes with it.

But the absolute worse thing in all of this waiting and debriefing is that 4 weeks takes us to the week of the 20th July, Rhianna was due the 15th July it is all a little too close, and that I don’t like.