The Night Before

I love birthdays, I have always loved my birthday.

I love the boys birthdays even more than my own. I love the lead up to their birthdays, the excitement and watching them open their presents, the joy on their faces and everything about them.

I love how early they wake up, the joy they have from the minute the wake up, to the minute they go to bed. I love seeing them so happy, all day long.

However now there is always a dark cloud.

One present missing.

One smile missing.

One set of footsteps missing.

One excited child missing.

And it makes the day before, the night before so so hard.

We don’t wrap birthday present until the night before.

We decorate.

We blow up balloons.

Finish of the planning and wrap the presents.

And there is always one present missing.

We started a tradition soon after Rhianna died, that we always wrap a present in pink girlie paper.

Just one present from Rhianna.

But it isn’t enough.

It’s a thought.

But it’s not enough.

It’s not the same

And this year, on Baba’s birthday it really made a difference

It doesn’t matter how much you try to keep her memory alive

It doesn’t matter what you do

All of us, the boys, Mr L, and I

The aunties, uncles and grandparents

We all have one present missing.

One card missing

And one person missing

And it makes it so hard

And there is nothing you can do.

I try to wake up and smile and get on with the day

But all day, every day it’s there

The sister that isn’t there

Our little girl who is missing

And life is so unfair!