Sleep, or Lack of Sleep

March the month that sleep and I fall out.

I love sleep.

I have always struggled to go to sleep but absolutely love sleeping.

I have always been a night owl, and life would suit me much better if the world started at 10am!

But it is nothing that ever really bothers me.

Until March.

Since loosing Rhianna as soon as March hits my body refuses to sleep.

For March I lay in bed so unbelievably tired.

With my eyes actually hurting.

But with no sleep happening.

I get so tired.

I struggle all month.

I get ill.

Because I am lacking in sleep.

But still no sleep comes.

This year I thought I had cracked it.

I was falling asleep about 1am.

Which for me is a good time!

It’s a normal time.

Then a couple of nights ago I saw 1am, I saw 2am and very nearly saw 3am.

And the lack of sleep beat me.

It’s not like I lay there thinking of anything.

Because I don’t.

I just lay there.

Willing for sleep but it doesn’t come.

Its been six years.

Every March I don’t sleep.

And I am so tired of not sleeping.

So tired of being tired.

So tired of being heartbroken.

So tired of March being so bloody hard.

All I want is our little 6 year old here.

And I can’t.

But if I could change anything else right now.

I would change my sleeping.

I long to sleep well each and every day in March.

I long to wake up refreshed.

I long to feel like I have slept.

I miss sleep.

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