I Just Want A Sister Mummy

“I just want a sister Mummy,

One that I can see every day like every one else.

I don’t want a sister that lives in Heaven”

Words that break your heart

Into a thousand and one pieces

As you can’t change it

You can’t bring Rhianna back

And you will never be able to give him what he wants

He will never have a sister he sees every day

He will never be like everyone else

And there is nothing you can do about it

Except hug him

Tell him you know that’s what he wants

Tell him that’s what you want

That’s what Rhianna would want

But she was just poorly to be able to be here

She couldn’t get better and she had to go to Heaven

But that she sees him every day

She is with him where ever he is

She is the brightest star watching him sleep at night

And never leaves his side

“But I just want to see her Mummy”

And there is nothing you can say

You sit hugging him

Wondering whether you made a mistake not letting him see her when she was born

But knowing really that at 3 years of age it would have been too much to handle

Too much for him to understand

But should you have done it?

Regardless of your feelings at the time

Have you deprived him from seeing his sister?

Will he hate you for that in the future?

Was it the right thing to do?

Thoughts whizzing through your head

Were you right, were you wrong?

All the while his words ringing in your ears.

“I just want to be like everyone else”

Those words

Stabbing your heart bit by bit

As he will never be like everyone else

Not know

We will always be the family without his sister

You can’t fix that

When your five Mummies should fix everything

But you can’t

There are no answers

There are no fixes

There is just sadness

Pain

Tears

And a little boy

Desperate

Desperate to be the same

To see his sister every day

To play with her

To look at her

To hug her

And to have her here every day

And he can’t

He never will

And you grieve for your baby girl

You grieve for the relationship she would have had with her big brother

You grieve for the relationship she would have had with her baby brother

You grieve for the bond, the fights, the tears, the love

You grieve for your little boy grieving

And all you can do is hug him

Cuddle him, listen to him, talk to him and hope that it is enough

Because it is all you have!