Five Years
Five years ago today we announced you to the world
At 12 weeks and 3 days it was safe to do so
Today it popped up on my memories on Facebook
A simple photo and a statement
A loaded statement with so many dreams attached to it
Full of happiness and excitement
Now just a memory
And the start of the many but few memories
Things that become distant
Still important but distant when your child is with you
Growing
Developing and showing you something new everyday
But when they aren’t here
When they never took a single breath
It is such an important memory
Between now and Rhianna’s birthday this is the time the moments are there
Telling the world
Buying her first clothes
The twenty week scan
Telling everyone she was a girl
Announcing her name
And then announcing her birth
Telling the world she died
Such a small list
Such an important list
Things that go buy in the blink of an eye
But these things are all we have of her
All we will ever have of her
And they don’t become easier
Sometimes they become harder
I am dreading her birthday this year more so than most
And I can’t tell you why but I am
Today made me take my breath in
I wasn’t expecting it today when I looked at my memories on Facebook
I knew it had happened around this time but I wasn’t expecting it
And it made me stop
It didn’t make me cry it made me stop
It has made me think all day about it
I suppose as with every day we all have a choice here
We can let it floor us or we can celebrate her
This year I am going with the celebrate
Baba wants to buy her a tree for the front garden
We have her gorgeous shelves in the back garden but he wants something in the front too
So this weekend we are going looking
But I think we shouldn’t stop at a tree I think we could make a front garden in memory of Rhianna
If she is having a tree then she should have other plants too
Ones that show love and that the boys can leave plaques in
Notes in
Hang lights from
And make it all magical
This year her garden will be fit for a princess
Just as she always has been!