Baby Loss Awareness Week – How Can You Help…

Today marks the start of baby loss awareness week. 

1 in 4 families are affected by baby loss or infant loss, and it has come to light that many people don’t know how to offer support to people affected or are too scared to bring up the subject. 

Baby loss awareness week is trying to break the taboo, and wants bereaved families to share how people have helped them and how you can help and stay close with them. 

There are so many different things that can be done to help a freshly bereaved family.

But the one thing that I really can’t shout about enough, and regular readers of my blog will have seen me say before, is not to forget the dads!

From the moment we were told Rhianna had no heartbeat, everyone looked to Mr L, looked at him to be supportive of me.

Even the doctors spoke to him rather than me.

Our parents told him to look after me.

He took on the task of telling Baba, rather than me, because I was far too weak at the time.

When we took Baba to preschool, only one teacher gave him a hug, everyone else told him to look after me.

Every night I cried myself to sleep, he held me.

Holding back his tears, holding me together, protecting me.

Trying to remain strong.

He had messages telling him to look after me, no one asked him if he was ok.

Walking in town after Rhianna died, people would stop us to give me a hug, and tell him to look after me.

The doctors would ask if I was ok.

No one asked if he was ok.

The vicar spoke to me, he didn’t really take notice of Mr L.

The focus was always on me.

Never on Mr L.

Never on her daddy.

At Rhianna’s funeral, I completely leaned on Mr L.

I didn’t think about who he leaned on.

His daughter died too.

He wiped his tears, to let mine flow.

He stood up tall, to stop me falling.

He smiled his smile, while mine died away.

He told people, when I had nothing to say.

He answered Baba’s questions, when I had no words.

He took on everyone’s advice, to look after me, rather than shouting who will look after me!

He never complained.

He never asked for help.

He just kept me going, making sure I was strong enough.

Strong enough for every moment, every hour, every day.

He never ever asked for help.

But his daughter died too.

His baby died too.

He lost his baby.

Not just me.

His heart was and is broken too.

So if there is any advice I can give anyone who has a friend or a family member who has lost their baby, it is one thing, and one thing only…

Don’t forget the daddy’s, they lost their baby too! 

You can find out more about baby loss awareness week on the SANDS website here.

If you have been affected by baby loss or infant loss you can contact SANDS, Bliss, or as Mr L and I did you can contact Saying Goodbye via their website or via their Facebook.