A Big Mistake
Yesterday Mr L and I were shocked to the core.
We suddenly saw someone walking down our path, and I recognised her as Baba’s health visitor. I opened the door and said hi, and she asked to speak to me, as she was coming to discuss us having our next baby.
I didn’t really twig at first, I am not sure whether Mr L did but I know that I didn’t as when I told her that I had had Rhianna, her response was “should have come earlier” and was still bright and breezy.
It was only then that I realised she had no clue what had happened to us!
Explaining was awful, she felt awful and we could both see that, it wasn’t her fault she was just doing her job, but somewhere somehow the communication lines have been massively broken and she wasn’t told the awful truth of our pregnancy.
She was lovely, and so apologetic and I felt so so bad for her, in her words she was going to hit her head against the wall when she got back.
After taking some details and having a quick chat about how we were and offering us the chance to make a complaint, she left and we were left in a state of shock.
Both of us really didn’t know what to say or do, and were completely stunned that this had just happened. We both just sat for a while really not knowing what to do. I still am in shock and can not believe that this has happened.
Later in the day the health visitor called again, to say that there was an incident form posted and that they are looking into what has happened here, and are going to be changing their practices for future late miscarriages and stillbirths. Even so that doesn’t really help us right now, but again I can’t blame her as she felt so awful about the whole event.
Mr L and I are mad, we are completely shocked and stunned that this has happened to us, as if we haven’t had enough this year. We both feel we have a good case to make a complaint here, and we really need to get to the bottom of what has happened here. This really was not on, and it should have never have happened. To be honest I am still stunned and don’t even know where to start on the whole complaint issue but I will get it sorted as I am really disgusted.
We are upset enough as it is, and yesterday was a really upsetting day, it brought everything to the front of our minds and we both had an awful time trying to get our heads around what had happened, and why it had happened. To be honest I don’t think we managed it at all yesterday.
It shouldn’t have happened.
It was a massive mistake somewhere along the line.
And yet again Mr L and I are the ones that are suffering.
After Freddie I got a letter saying his death had been reported to an unexplained death panel and would be investigated to see if there were child protection issues and whether anything could be learned from the circumstances surrounding his death. It would be reviewed by police, social workers and medical records looked at and I was not invited and had no say in it. It said the investigation would be to protect other ‘at risk’ children.
It was just a standard letter and a panel (CDOP?) who investigate all child deaths and neonatal ones fall into that but it utterly rocked my world.
I’m so sorry. Though I’m amazed you get pre-baby HV checks anyway, I’ve never heard of that.
Hugs. The worst has already happened. These are words and moments. (((HUGS)))
Well yes pre baby HV visits are supposed to happen she was two weeks late with Baba!
Oh no I can imagine that letter totally rocked you, there really needs to be a better way of dealing with these things doesn’t there.
Thank you xxx
I would definitely complain.She should of been told of your miscarriage and possibly been around to see you then.I bet she felt really awful and wants to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Yes she did feel really awful and has made a few more appointments to see me in the future xx
I was so shocked when you told us about this the other day, there’s been a serious breakdown in communication between the Maternity Unit and the Health Visitor Service. I’m utterly disgusted that this sort of mistake has been allowed to happen, this sort of thing should take the highest priority to ensure that mistakes don’t happen.
You and Mr. L have every right to be devastated by it, and quite honestly, the HV should be pretty pissed off too, that no one informed her of your loss. I’m glad you’ll be making a complaint and I hope that you can both find comfort in the thought that you might stop this happening to other families, although in the light of your loss and what you’ve both been through, I know it won’t be much.
Love to you all xxx
Thanks Jayne and I agree with everything you say, it really doesn’t help us but I never want that to happen to someone else. The HV is very annoyed and has already made her own complaints of her own back as she was appalled that she hadn’t been told. xx
I can’t eleven that! Saying, actually i can. I had no health visitor after Connor and only met one when Harry was 14 weeks old and she came to the discharge meeting with her folder marked ford twins! They dot have a clue. They don’t realise the impact things like this have on us, it’s takes us back to day one. Big hugs x
It totally takes you back to day one doesn’t it, you think you are finally start to make sense of everything again and then pow right back at the beginning! Which is an awful feeling. xx
How utterly disgusting of them. No other words apart from shocked xx
I know we were as well totally shocked xx
I am being stupid but I feel like this is my fault. This happened to me when Joseph was born at 27 weeks. The HV popped a letter through the door then turned up. I couldn’t believe it! She had no idea that Joseph was critically ill, 13 weeks early etc etc.
They don’t always use the same computer system and notifications are not done properly, its inexcusable.
Complain complain complain.
You are being stupid this is so not your fault, and don’t worry we will be complaining that is for sure so not impressed xx