The Day After The Day Before

I always thought Rhianna Lily’s birthday would be the worst day. But it wasn’t as bad as I actually thought it would be.

It was busy, that was probably a good thing. But it was a day all about Rhianna.

We laughed, especially after a balloon was brought and it escaped before we had a chance to write on. Rhianna was obviously very eager and wanted her balloon asap. We were then running back up the road to get it replaced before the shop closed.

Rhianna had beautiful flowers. She had beautiful presents, a beautiful personalised lantern, a lovely heart momento and a gorgeous star cake made for her.

All these things made it all the more special for us and for her.

It was hard, it was strange. We didn’t really know what to do. I don’t think there is a right or wrong. I think it is just a do as you need to do on that day.

Yesterday I wrote a lot.

I needed to.

I needed the world to see that she was loved, I needed everyone to see her messages and I needed people to see it wasn’t just us affected. That Rhianna has affected so many people. It helped me a lot yesterday, it made me feel like we were doing something positive.

So all in all yesterday wasn’t too bad.

Today is a different story.

Today I feel deflated. Yesterday I managed not to cry, today hasn’t been so great.

Today the realisation is back. It has a habit of reappearing.

That realisation that FOREVER there will be no Rhianna. That there will never be a cuddle, smile, laugh, look, or cry from her.

That forever we will miss her.

That forever we will be a family of us and one more.

It doesn’t matter how often the realisation happens. Everytime it is a bolt that hits. And it floors you.

It’s horrible, it’s sad.

And it makes today just that little bit worse than yesterday.