Relationships!

Since loosing Rhianna, the quiet moment’s are the hardest.

Baba is four now and he is slipping through my fingers.

I still get my moment’s with him. He still loves a cuddle and he adores me and I totally and utterly adore him.

But he is changing!

He is slipping and I am loosing my grip.

There is only one place Baba ever wants to be at the moment.

With Daddy, which I love and I would never change. And I don’t want either to think I would ever change it because it is fabulous.

Daddy is totally the coolest person in the world.

All Baba wants to do is be with Daddy.

Daddy understands super heroes, he loves comics, he can do computer games, they have the same sense of humour. They do the same things together, and it is right they should do all of that. And I love it.

But it brings home the harsh reality that I am on my own.

And I shouldn’t be!

When they are off playing the computer, or watching something that only seems to amuse themselves, I am left on my own.

It is these times that I think the most about Rhianna.

Family has moved on naturally, Baba has moved on naturally, it is 100% normal that he wants to spend time with Daddy. But that is when I think that at this time it would be mine and Rhianna’s time. Playing on the floor, having cuddles, learning, exploring and being together for our time.

But we don’t have that time, and it is in these quiet moments when I have no one needing me that I miss her the most.

I try not to make a big thing about it, but at these times it hurts. I see Baba with his Daddy and it makes me feel so pleased that they are having that time, but I am also a little bit sad because there is no one hear anymore for me to have a little bit of time with.