Sands #FindingYourWay2019 Campaign

When Rhianna Lily died the world revolved around me.

Where ever we went people asked me how I was, if I was ok, had I eaten, was I sleeping, gave me a hug, sent me messages and kept an eye on me.

Mr L was sidelined, he would sometimes get a slight nod, and occasionally he got a cuddle. But generally he got told to look after me, keep an eye on me, make sure I eat, make sure I sleep, look after BB.

Be in control.

It was the feeling that was put on him.

Put your feelings to one side and be strong.

He was the one the hospital spoke to, he was the one the funeral directors spoke to, he was the one that told BB, he was the one that made the phone calls.

He was the one that did it all.

And he was the one that had no notes written down about Rhianna, he was the one that still goes to the doctors and unless he mentions Rhianna they have no clue.

No one gave him a six week check after her birth or death, no one midwives called him to see if he was mentally ok. No one reads his notes and sees his daughter has died and ask how he feels about that.

None of that happens for him.

He walked into that hospital after the midwives couldn’t find a heartbeat, trying to remain the positive he could, convincing me it would be ok.

He walked out of hospital a grieving daddy, a daddy that had lost his baby, and a daddy that was supposed to just get on and look after me, look after BB, organise everything for Rhianna and just be ok.

But it doesn’t happen like that.

It will never happen like that.

He had dreams for his little girl, he had plans, she was going to be his little girl. He was the one she was going to run too when she was sad, the one she wanted when she was ill, the one she would go to when her heart was broken. He had all those plans.

Every single one of them was broken and crushed the day she died.

But he was just expected to be ok.

Sands, the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity have realised that men are side lined when it comes to baby-loss, they realise that men can struggle to reach out and ask for help, and can struggle with the emotions they experience and how to deal with them.

Sands want to help bereaved men, they want them to be able to find the right support for them in the easiest possible way. So this year they have launched a new campaign.

Finding Your Way Campaign is a campaign to help men overcome their grief in a way that works for them.

Sands launch a new campaign every June and this is one that I really feel passionately about.

Sands have conducted some surveys around men and bereavement and have found that 1 in 5 men feel they have to put on a strong front when talking to their partner about the death of their baby. 1 in 10 don’t even want to discuss the death of their baby with their partner. And nearly a third of all bereaved fathers have never been offered any bereavement support.

The view that men have to be strong around baby loss is outdated, it is destructive to their wellbeing that they should suffer in silence and not get support.

The #FindingYourWay2019 campaign is wanting to change all of this. There is a whole website for this campaign here you can find support for yourself, or for a family member or friend that needs support. There are guides on how to get through the feelings, how to talk about your babyloss, if you want to, what to do if you feel you have to be strong for everyone and even if you feel you cant carry on. There are also guides for supporting the men in your life, listening to them, giving practical advice, being aware of their feelings and helping them with advice.

But it doesn’t stop there #FindingYourWay2019 also has virtual fundraising that you can do throughout June. You can pick a #SandsMissionImpossible and decide to do it with friends or on your own and then register your mission and wait for the email to get started. This is a great way to get involved, missions range from a conqueror event, to dressing up your children as superheros or walking a mile in your shoes event. You can find out more about the #SandsMissionImpossible here.

One of the easiest ways to get involved and show your support is to get involved via social media.

Take a picture of your steps, add the hashtag #FindingYourWay2019 and upload it onto your favourite social media to spread the word and show your support.

It really is that simple.

This campaign is important, simple, but essential. Men need support too, and men need to know how and where to access support.

Baby loss is about everyone, mums, dads, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles. And everyone regardless of your gender should be able to grieve feeling and get support whenever they need it!