Rhianna’s Photo

When Rhianna was born we took 40 photos of her.

She was born on a Friday, we came home on the Saturday, Sunday we printed her photos off.

Sunday evening we had a photo in our bedroom along with our pictures of Baba.

Since that day that is where it has stayed.

Downstairs is full of pictures of Baba and Boo, but none of Rhianna.

It is a tough one.

I am fully aware people don’t want to come into our house and see a picture of a her.

So I have always kept them hidden away.

But it hurts, and I hate that she is hidden.

Everyone knows we have three not two children.

Everyone knows we have a little girl.

And it is our house, our family.

I am angry at myself, angry that we are in a way conforming to the awful taboo

That baby loss should be hidden away

That baby loss shouldn’t be talked about

That we are hiding her away

In our own home

Because we are more concerned about others feelings and haven’t even thought of our own.

I am so angry at myself

For hiding her, keeping her secret and keeping her photo hidden

Yesterday we moved her photo

It isn’t the first thing you see downstairs

But it is downstairs

It is with her brothers pictures

All three children

All together

After all that is what we have

They will always be a family of three

Not two and one hidden away

But three