Our First Saying Goodbye Service

Everyone who reads this blog knows that I openly support the work that Saying Goodbye does for family and friends of people who have lost babies and children, but I had not managed to get to one of their services. I was supposed to go at the beginning of the year but Baba was poorly so that one got sidelined.

However this weekend they were very local and it was an evening service so it didn’t affect Mr L’s work in any way and I really wanted to go with him. He wasn’t so sure. In fact he really didn’t want to go, but he knew how much I wanted to go and decided to come anyway. Although he was still trying to get out of it as soon as we got into the cathedral.

The service was beautiful there were some lovely readings, ones that made us cry, and one that was in Rhianna’s funeral. One that we haven’t seen or heard since her funeral but both instantly recognised as we sat there.

The choir made the service very special and the fact that we were able to light candles and ring bells for our babies and children gave a very personal touch to the service.

It is really hard to explain the feeling that we had when we walked out of the service it was almost a calm feeling, one of peace that we hadn’t had for a very long time.

We no longer felt like the freaks, “the family that lost the baby” the ones that get that look, get that pity stare and you know people aren’t doing it on purpose but they still do it. Instead we were in a room of people who totally understood. Not a room full of people telling us to get over it, it had been too long, we are lucky we have Baba some are worse off etc. But just a room full of people who got that we are upset and that we are ok being upset. Because they have all lost babies as well, they are in the exclusive club.

It was a solidarity feeling.

It was cathartic.

It was peaceful and it was emotional.

But it was so needed.

And at the end of the service even Mr L said that he was pleased that he went. I was pleased that he went, I wouldn’t have wanted to experience that without him. We both needed to be there to understand what the other was saying, and I am so pleased he came.

It opened up wounds for both of us, but it was ok to get upset. It was ok to cry, and that really was the best thing.

Everything we felt, and grieved was ok.

I would totally suggest that everyone who has been affected by miscarriage, stillbirth, pregnancy loss, baby loss, or child loss should try to get to a Saying Goodbye service as if nothing else you just find so many other people who understand.

It isn’t a look of pity you receive, it’s a look of love and understanding for you and your child! And don’t we all deserve that!

If you want to find out more about Saying Goodbye then please look on their Facebook, Twitter, and their website for more information.