One Stocking Missing
Having a Christmas with a child missing is really hard.
And I think this year was probably the hardest.
You see 2012 was the first year everyone expected it to be hard. Last year we were in a Boo bubble he was only 22 days old and we were enjoying him and people were still getting over the shock off him. This year we were a complete family…
Although we will never be that.
I love Christmas, I really do, I love seeing Baba and Boo’s faces. Watching them opening their presents and seeing their faces light up. I love spending time with the family.
But in the mayhem of it all. There’s a space.
A space where Rhianna should be.
Instead of putting out three stockings we put out two.
Instead of wrapping princesses, Frozen and Peppa Pig we wrap Lego, cars, and Marvel.
Instead of her being here every year from now until the day we die Mr L and I visit a grave on Christmas Day.
There are no presents just flowers.
No laughter, just silence.
No memories being made, just a moment of memories to hold onto.
The car is full of Marvel, Lego, cars, and sporty things. It should be bursting with girlie things, princesses, dresses and cuddle toys.
It catches you.
Grabs you and makes you so sad in just a moment.
One tiny moment when you see a space in the room, a glimpse in your eye where she should be on Christmas day. An empty chair, an empty grandparents lap. And you just want to sit and cry.
Getting through a Christmas day with no tears is an impossibility from now on, at least once in the day I cry. Usually late at night when everything has calmed down and I miss her so badly.
I miss the girlie things. The things we could have shared the toys she would have got.
I love Christmas but from now until forever there will always be a part of Christmas that will be sad. A part of Christmas that died with Rhianna.
After all Christmas is about children and we don’t have all of ours.
We only have two.
We should have three.
And every Christmas there will be a space, the car will have a little space in it, the tree will have some space under it and there will always be a space where a stocking should be.