Mother’s Day

Mother’s day is always a hard one for me.

Probably the hardest day of the year.

Rhianna’s birthday is hell, but it is all about her.

I can cry, scream and be unhappy because it is her day.

Christmas day is never fun, but the boys are so wrapped up in their presents and you get thrown into the day that there are just moments where you are truly quiet to just sit and remember Rhianna.

Mother’s day is a different ball game.

It is a day to celebrate being a mother.

But how do you truly do that when one of your children is missing?

I find Mother’s day a very fine line day.

The boys are at the age where they are so excited about Mother’s day they love giving me their presents and I love receiving them.

And I am so happy to receive them.

But there is always a card missing.

Always a present missing.

And always a hug missing.

Mother’s day is quieter.

It isn’t as busy.

And it’s easier to let the thoughts in.

And to get upset.

But I try my hardest not too.

I love my children equally.

Whether here or in heaven.

And I don’t want the boys to ever think these special days were only about Rhianna.

I want them to know that I miss her every day.

That these days are hard.

When there are missing presents and missing cards they are even harder.

But the boys putting their hearts into my presents and loving giving them to me.

And giving me the best hugs.

Makes these days so much easier.

Mother’s day is a day of splitting myself between loving and missing Rhianna and loving and being so thankful for BB and Boo.

Because without them these days would be unbearable.

Being a Mummy to a child in heaven is painful.

It hurts.

It is oh so confusing.

Something you can never understand.

And something you can never truly explain.

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