It’s The Little Things

Grief is a strange thing, it’s a strange thing in a normal year, in the middle of a pandemic it is an even stranger thing.

It is the smallest things, that can make you think.

I am not talking about falling into a flood of tears thinking, it is just more of a thinking what could or would have been thinking.

Last night we had a virtual parents evening, which was amazing.

But it makes you think.

I think any little thing the boys achieve, makes me think.

It doesn’t necessarily make me sad, it just makes me think.

It makes me think of what she would be like at school.

Would she love school?

Would she be arty?

Would she love maths?

Would she love pe?

It makes you think what she would be like as a person.

Would she be a reader?

Would she love to tell a story?

Would she be funny?

Would she be strong willed?

It makes you think of all the things that she would be.

All the things she could be.

Would she be like BB?

Would she be like Boo?

Would she be like me?

Would she be like her daddy?

Would she be a mixture of us all?

Who would she be?

It doesn’t make me sad, it really doesn’t.

It just makes me think of her more.

Makes me think of what she would be like.

Who she would be like.

What she would be like.

It makes me wonder all the questions.

The only thing that makes me sad, is that we don’t know.

We will never know.

We will spend our lives wondering.

I wish we knew.

I wish we could have an inkling.

We don’t, we never will.

And we can’t change it.

We never can.

It isn’t always the big things that make you think more about what you don’t have.

It’s the little things that make you think of what would be, what could be!

The normal every day things.

The tiny little things.

The friendship groups, the school reports, the hobbies, the sense of humour, the favourite toys, the favourite games.

The tiny little things!