Nine Years Today
Nine years ago today we announced we were pregnant with Rhianna Lily.
I didn’t remember it.
Instead I woke up with a memory of it on my Facebook.
There it was just staring at me.
It definitely stopped me in my tracks.
I wasn’t expecting it, I hadn’t remembered it.
And it was a bit of a shock to be honest.
It didn’t upset me.
It would have done a couple of years ago.
It would have floored me.
Made me burst into tears and feel awful for the rest of the day.
Today it didn’t.
I haven’t cried.
I was stopped in my thoughts.
I did think that was one of the last time we were totally care free.
Not happy as we have been happy since Rhianna.
But carefree.
Totally carefree and not affected by babyloss.
A time without the worry, and the anxiety that babyloss brings.
A time that I knew that babyloss happened.
But a time I hadn’t really thought about it too much.
It was a totally different time.
A whole lifetime ago.
We definitely aren’t those people now.
Our lives changed completely and irreversible that year.
And we will never be the same people again.
Nine years ago we posted we were pregnant with Rhianna.
Eight years ago I would have been dreading this day.
Seven years ago this day would have made me cry.
Over the years this day has affected me in different ways.
Today it has affected me again.
But I am not floored.
I am not in tears.
I am envious of the carefree me.
I am envious of the me that hadn’t been changed because of babyloss.
But I am not that me.
I am this me.
And today it stopped me in my tracks.
It made me think of you a little bit more.
It made me wonder what you would be like as I do most days.
It made me smile.
The memory of the joy of you.
The memory of telling everyone about you.
The memory of sharing you with the world.
That made me smile.
We got to share you for a while.
It was a teeny tiny while, but it was still a while.
And in that small time you made an impact.
And that I will be forever grateful for.
Our little baby made a stamp on the world!