It’s Not Being Remembered, It’s Being Included!

Two days ago I wrote a post about people not talking about Rhianna and how much the silence hurt.

This post lead to a chat with people over on Facebook when I was asked what is the best thing to do as a friend in this situation?

The conversation went on and I realised remembering isn’t the right thing. I don’t want Rhianna just remembered! Of course I want her remembered I never want her forgotten. But I don’t want her just remembered. I don’t want people to only mention her at Christmas and her birthday, (and I know I keep going on about those dates) but I want her mentioned at other times of the year.

I want her INCLUDED!

That is the big difference. I want her to be a part of our lives with everyone.

She is obviously a part of our lives but she isn’t a part of our lives with everyone. Everyone asks before anything else how Baba is when we see them, I have one friend who asks regularly if we have been up to Rhianna’s grave recently!

And it makes me feel so much better.

She is included in my friends and I everyday conversation. I am not just asked if I am ok? How I am feeling after loosing our daughter, no I am also asked if we have been to her grave, laid flowers, asked what we have taken up there and when we may go again. It isn’t an exciting conversation and it can’t really be varied but it blooming well doesn’t matter because she is included. She isn’t just remembered.

She is a part of our lives, she will always be a part of our lives. Our new life without her, means that we go to her grave, that we are picky about flowers, that we take trips where we just sit for a while and too be asked about these trips just means the world.

It is almost like Rhianna is accepted, there is no fear of talking about her, and the unspoken about trips to your baby’s grave our spoken about.

So yes it is still the silences that get me, but not the silences of Rhianna Lily being forgotten, but the silences of her never being included in our lives.

We will always be a family of all of us here plus one more. We are not a family of three, we are a family of four and all I want is everyone else to include her and accept her.