He has a sister, she died…

I love to talk about Rhianna Lily, I talk about her more than Mr L and Baba put together.

However I find it really hard to tell people who don’t know about her, Mr L is much better than that.

But this week I had to bite the bullet, and say the above statement. Baba is starting Primary School in September, and I had a meeting with his new teacher on Tuesday. Mr L and I decided on our first parents evening at the school that the teacher had to know about Rhianna, she may come up in conversation, she may not, but if she does then they need to know who she is.

It was hard, building up the courage to say the words,

“Baba has a sister, but she died last year”

It is such a simple sentence but one where you want to the ground to swallow you up, and one where it bowls the other person over.

It is horrible to do.

It brings back so many memories.

A lump stays in your throat and I still can’t say it without looking at the floor.

I don’t want to see the shock, and pity in their eyes.

The pity makes me cry.

I hate to see it staring back at me.

I hate to see the shock.

And I hate to be instantly taken back to the 20th March 2012, I hate to reliving the words, feeling the pain.

It was something that needed to be done, Baba’s teacher had to know, she was pleased to know, she agreed she had to know but telling her wasn’t easy.

I don’t know whether it will ever get easy.

I can’t imagine it ever will, but I will keep trying because I never want Rhianna not to be talked about and for her to be remembered and talked about we have to tell people about her.

But for now I will say the words, look at the floor, take a deep breath and do it for Baba and Rhianna because that’s what a Mummy does!