You Think You Are Ok…

Baba has now started school, and it feels like a double whammy!

I have thrown myself into blitzing the house, thrown myself into going back into full-time work next week with Scrapbookerry, and am getting back with writing and my writing course, anything to stop myself from thinking about what should be.

It has been hard, and I think this last week I have been so busy trying not to think that I haven’t thought about it! But I know it is there!

I shouldn’t be on my own.

I should never have been on my own!

Baba shouldn’t have spent his last summer before school on his own, he had a great one, we made sure of it and he did not stop! But still there should have been two of them!

I haven’t found the going to school posts hard!

I found Baba going to school hard.

But the hardest posts, the hardest pictures, the hardest comments are the ones about how the brothers and sisters at home are coping!

They are the ones I should be writing too!

Instead I am not

I found that the hardest thing

I thought we were all doing ok

And then it hit me

The babies that were missing their big brothers, or sisters on their first day at school and I was at home on my own

With no baby missing their big brother!

That was one of the hardest things to deal with

Just when I thought we were all ok…