Father’s Day With A Child Missing

Father’s Day is an odd one when you have lost a child.

You have to make it a good day for your remaining children, but not forget the ones missing.

It contradicts itself.

It pulls you in two different directions.

You have happiness and joy celebrating the wonderful Daddy that your children have. The love they have for each other and the fun they have.

Then you have the sadness, the tears, the despair that they will never hold her again, never see her smile, or laugh, or grow old.

They are the ultimate extremes and it is so hard.

I always want to include Rhianna Lily in these days but it is hard to find a way to include her.

This year was particularly hard. It was Boo’s first Father’s day and I didn’t want to take away from that.

I wanted that to be celebrated, first fathers day with both boys and Baba was really excited about it.

Neither Mr L or I push Baba or Boo to go to Rhianna’s grave it is left to be his decision if he wants to go. I love going to her grave but it is a very personal decision Mr L doesn’t find it so easy so we let Baba decide. I did ask in the week if Baba wanted to go and he said he was fine not going at the moment so I knew I had to include Rhianna another way, a way that wouldn’t infringe on the boys, wouldn’t make the day all about her, would still be all about them but would still include her.

I decided on wrapping paper.

It was simple, it was subtle, Baba didn’t comment, but Mr L noticed and noted.

It was a little of Rhianna Lily in there, the bright pink colour, the white polka dots, a bit of girly surrounding the masculine feel of the day. Pinkness covering the Marvel themed items for Father’s Day, protecting the presents, looking after them.

Just as she does us.

It’s not a lot.

But it was enough.

It was noted, it was commented on, and it was something very simple that was easy to do.

It is something I may do for all events. Wrap at least one present in pink. Just one item, one thing that has a little love from Rhianna in so she is thought about at least.

Remembered as always but brought to the front of our mind, because there is just a little bit of pink in front of us.