Dads Matter 2

Today Saying Goodbye have launched a new National Campaign “DADS MATTER 2”.

We totally support Saying Goodbye and everything they do, and I can’t even express how much we support this campaign.

Baby loss is such a hard thing to talk about, it is a taboo subject but it is getting better. However we found so many people are looking out for the Mums that the Daddy’s out there really get forgotten.

It takes two people to make a baby, there are two people involved.

When I told Mr L we were expecting again he was so excited, when we found out that we were expecting a little girl he was so pleased. He had so many dreams, she had her name. He had picked her godparents, and was so excited. Last Mother’s Day all of my presents from him and Baba were clothes for Rhianna he loved her immediately. He had his plans in his head, he had a future mapped out for her. She was destined to be Daddies Little Girl, and he loved that.

His heart was ripped out when we were told her heart wasn’t beating.

BUT he was so strong, he had to be.

Sitting in the hospital everything was said to him, the doctors didn’t even try to explain it to me, it was all directed at him. He was in shock, he was grieving but he still had to sit there and take in all the information while holding me up.

He told Baba, he became so strong.

And society expected him too. People would actually walk past him to give me a hug, they would tell him to look after me. I can not tell you how many people told him to look after me. I can count on one hand how many people asked if he was ok.

He had lost his baby girl too.

He didn’t stand at her graveside and cry less tears than me just because he was her Daddy, he cried just as many if not more than me.

Within a couple of weeks after loosing Rhianna Lily Mr L had to go back to work because society expected it.

He is supposed to be strong, he is supposed to look after me, Baba and still provide for us. He is the man and he should be strong.

BUT why should he?

He has lost his baby girl, he has lost his dreams, he has done the unimaginable and he has buried his own child. No one should do that.

14 months later he finds loosing Rhianna so much harder than me, he still can barely say her name, he still has his dreams shattered, and still misses her everyday.

He had a baby girl, he has lost a baby girl, and he shouldn’t have to be strong.

I am not expected to be, Baba is not expected to be, so her Daddy shouldn’t be expected to be.

It takes two people to have a baby and it takes two people to grieve a baby. No one should expect Dads to be strong, and someone needs to be there to help them.

Men grieve entirely differently to woman, they are very silent, they go into their caves, and they need a different process to get it out of them. But they should not have to do anything alone, as dads matter 2 and it was their child as well!

And I wish socially people would accept that and let them grieve!

Please follow Saying Goodbye and look out for the hashtags on twitter #DadsMatter2 #ItsMyBaby2 #GrievingDad or use them if you support their Dads Matter 2 campaign.