Capture Your Grief – Transformed

How has your experience changed you? That is the prompt for today’s Capture your grief.

How has Rhianna dying changed me.

I cry more.

I am a glass half full person now, always expecting the worse.

I second guess everything I do.

I have lost confidence in myself and my decisions.

I depend on Mr L a lot.

Actually far too much probably.

I get anxious and scared.

I worry insanely about the boys.

I worry about how Rhianna dying affects them.

How it affects us as a family.

I sleep less.

I talk to Rhianna.

All the time.

I like flowers now.

I am definitely more spiritual than I have ever been before.

I notice the butterflies, the feathers and all things people say are signs around me.

All those things help.

I fight most days, to get up and not be too scared about the boys, their feelings, their behaviour, their future.

Everyday I battle to go to sleep.

I battle to be happy, less so now but I used to battle all the time.

I make sure we do things as a family.

We go out we make memories.

We go and experience new things.

I make sure we laugh.

I make sure we have fun.

I make sure we talk about Rhianna.

I make sure she is remembered.

And I make sure this doesn’t beat any of us.

And I make sure it doesn’t keep us from missing out what is happening around us.

Since Rhianna I am more scared, I am more worried about things, I get sad about things.

Since Rhianna I am more determined, I refuse to be beaten, I make sure I laugh, I make sure we have fun, and I make sure we live the best life.

For her, for the boys, for Mr L and for me!!