Capture Your Grief – Love Letter

Today’s Capture Your Grief prompt is write your child a letter tell them everything you want them to know? 

Our Rhianna Lily,

Everything is so different without you.

And it is different as time passes.

We all miss you.

Your Daddy, me and your brother’s. Even though they never ever met you, you are such a big part of them. They talk about all the time, their lives, as ours do, always have a wonder in them.

We wonder what you would be like?

What you would be in to?

Who you would be most like?

Your Daddy and I have always had an image of you being a mixture of both of your brother’s, it is the exact same image, so I take it to be true.

Your big brothers red hair, your little brothers curls, my freckles and daddies green eyes.

It’s bizarre trying to imagine you.

But it is something that you never stop doing.

You need some sort of image to remember you by.

Strange how our brain works.

Our life is split in two, before you and after you.

When you first died it was hell, thankfully we had your big brother who needed us, I don’t think we could have got we are without him to be honest. He was our saviour.

Over time it has changed.

It is so hard to explain, I struggle to explain unless someone has lived it.

We miss you, desperately, our lives will never be complete we are always missing you.

But and this is a big but we still have to live.

Your brother’s are here.

They need us, and we have to live for them.

We miss you so much, but we need to be here for them.

It’s a hard realisation, you know, but we have three of you and our time has to be split between all of you, and not just about one of you.

But you are never forgotten.

Where ever we go, you are there.

There are bits of you in the house every where.

We buy you things, the boys buy you things.

We have little bits of you in the caravan

And wherever we go we find a beach, the beach is your brother’s favourite place, in my heart I know it would be yours too.

We always find you a beach.

No words are needed on the beach.

We all know you would love it, we all know it is your space, it will always be your space.

Life has been hard for a long time.

There were days when all I could focus on was missing you, was needing you and crying about you.

That has changed.

The missing you hasn’t left, it will never ever leave.

But the crying is less.

There are days obviously but we have happy days.

Your brother’s fill the house with laughter, but they never forget you.

I think the one thing we have to say to you is we miss you, but we are learning to be happy again, we are learning to smile and make memories, and everything we do you are there in our hearts and in our memories and we always think about how you would like it.

We are learning to live life again, with you in your hearts.

And we are happy again.

It’s a different happy but we are happy.

And I think that will make you happy.

We love you and that will never change.

Love Mummy, Daddy, BB and Boo