Always A Space

Today we all went for a walk and the boys had a play in the park.

It really was for Boo as BB isn’t a great lover of parks but he does it for his brother as he loves it so much.

After the park we went for a walk and took some pictures of us all.

One picture I took of all of us had a gap in it.

It’s not the first time.

And I know it won’t be the last.

Most of our family photos have a gap in.

A small space between us.

It may be between the boys and either Mr L and I, between Mr L and I or just between the boys but there is always a gap.

A little tiny space.

A space big enough that another little face could fit in there.

A space for their sister.

A space for our little girl.

It sounds insane.

I get that.

I try to imagine if I read this 8 years ago, when we had never lost a child.

I would have thought it was slightly insane too.

What is she talking about a space, all the photos I see there is no space.

But you know what I am not the only one who says this.

It’s a common thing I hear, between babyloss parents, it’s a common thing I can see, and I am sure they can see when another mum or dad says can you see the space.

It’s a unity between us.

We all see the space.

We all get the space.

It’s a thing that stopped me from taking photos of us all for quite a while. It’s a thing that stops me from posting them on social media at times.

Sometimes I take the picture and see such a big space I can’t bare to post it as it is too noticeable for me.

It’s a thing we understand.

Maybe our understanding eyes look for it.

I don’t know.

But the gap, the space, the silence it is always there.

It will always be there that space.

It is totally heartbreaking.

It is so upsetting.

It is a photographic reminder.

A space that needs to be filled.

A space that will never be filled.

One that we will see for the rest of our days.