Working On Me

This year I have been restless, there is no doubt about that.

I have written about it a few times, I have chewed of hubbies ears and a couple of my friends. Constantly asking what am I doing, what should I be doing, am I missing a trick.

It’s been a constant burden I would say this year on my mind.

I just feel I am missing something.

And I am not coming here to say I have cracked it as I totally haven’t but I have learnt a few things recently.

I hate upsetting people, I worry far too much what others think, it literally keeps me awake, I constantly compare myself to others and I have a real lack of confidence to what I can actually do myself, what I am capable of and what I could achieve.

They are things I have always known deep down.

But they are things that have really stopped me in recent years.

I am always going to struggle with achieving things if I continue doing all the above.

I know logically I can’t please everyone, I can’t worry about everything, I know I should just be me and not compare myself as everyone has their own journey and I know I should have more confidence in myself.

But that is so easy to write and a lot harder to achieve isn’t it.

But it is something that I really need to work on.

All of this is becoming a bit of a block to me.

I need to work on these negative behaviours, and feelings.

I don’t want to go around upsetting everyone but I can’t please the world. I don’t want to worry less about important things, but I don’t want to be loosing sleep about silly things. I want to be more me and be confident about it, I don’t want to compare myself and think I should be doing that I want to be doing what makes me happy and be confident about it.

I want to believe in me.

And not second guess all my decisions.

I need to start working on these things and changing the way I think and feel about me.

Then I may just sort out the other things that I am feeling restless about.

Right now I don’t think I can sort that until I can sort this!