What Do You See? What Do You Dream?

What do you see when you look at photos of your children?

Do you see laughter, fun, love, your world?

I see that too.

But I also see a gap.

A small gap, where our daughter should be.

A gap where their sister should be.

A gap where our lives should be complete.

I see pain and sorry in our eyes.

I see tears on our faces, almost burnt through the skin.

I see reminders of how we were before and I see what we are like now.

I see people broken.

I see people trying to repair.

I see people struggling.

I am glad you don’t see that.

What do you think about just before you go to bed at night?

Do you think about your day, the good, the bad and the ugly?

Do you think what you need to do tomorrow?

What the kids need?

I do that too.

I also think about where Rhianna would have fitted in today.

Would she have enjoyed today?

Would she have laughed at the same things?

Would she have been upset by the same things?

Would the day been busier?

Would we have done what we did today?

Would she have been fighting with her brothers?

Would she have been laughing with her brothers?

Would she have loved today?

Would she have been the same as her brothers?

I am glad you don’t think like that.

What do you dream about at night?

I dream about our baby girl.

I dream about her bright blue eyes.

I dream about her red wavy hair.

I dream about her walking along the beach with us.

I dream about her running into my arms for a cuddle.

I dream about her getting her own way with daddy.

I dream about her winning over her brothers.

I dream about her voice.

I dream about her laugh.

I dream about her cry.

I dream about the noises she makes when she sleeps.

I dream about her being right handed.

I dream about her writing us cards.

I dream about her drawing us pictures.

I dream about three children in the back of the car.

I dream about three lunch boxes for school.

I dream about three school uniforms.

I dream about ballet lessons.

I dream about Rainbows and Brownies.

I dream about plaiting her hair.

I dream about three children on the sofa.

I dream about three bedtimes.

I dream dreams that are impossible and will never ever come true.

I am glad you don’t dream like that!