There Are No Rules

When you become a parent you quickly realise there is no rule book.

And at times you really wish there was.

When you loose a baby you quickly realise there is no rule book.

And at times all you really wish there was.

I remember when we lost Rhianna, the practicalities of everything that needed to happen and had to happen were explained to us.

But then the harder decisions came.

Do you want to stay with her when she is born?

Do have anything you want her to have?

Do you want people to visit?

How long do you want to stay with her?

Do you want a burial, a cremation, a funeral or not?

All of these things that are all so personal and that you have to decide.

That you have to decide when you are numb with pain.

That you have to decide when life really makes no sense anymore.

That you have to decide when more than anything you want to just curl up in a ball.

You want to hide.

You want to wake from this nightmare.

And you can’t as you need to decide on whether you have had enough time with your child before they take them away forever.

And you don’t know what to do!

How long is too long?

How long is not enough?

What is the right amount of time?

What should you do?

All you want is someone to tell you the answers?

To tell you the right amount of time, the best clothes, the best decisions for funerals, burials and cremations.

And they can’t.

No one can because there are no right answers.

Everyone is so unique with how they feel and how they deal with their loss.

And there are no rules.

No answers.

And no one to be able to tell you what to do.

No one really knows the best way, the right way or the wrong way.

No one knows.

And it is really really hard to accept there is no rule book.

In the last seven and a half years I have gone over and over what we have done with regards to Rhianna and when I am at my worst I wonder if we did the best thing. I second guess myself, I doubt myself. And I wonder if we did the right things.

But there is no right and wrong.

There are no rules.

The only thing you can ever do is do what is right for you at the time, do what is right for your family at the time.

That’s all you can do.

Don’t think too much, if at all about others.

Think about what is good for you and go with it.

It’s really the only piece of advice I can give.

Just do what is right for you and your family at the time.

Because there are no rules.

There will never be any rules.

And everyone is blindly steering themselves through their grief and all they can do is what is right for them!