Babyloss Awareness Week 2019

Today marks the beginning of Babyloss Awareness Week this year, it runs from the 9th – 15th of October, ending with the Wave of Light on the 15th.

This week they are launching a new campaign, Out of Sight, Out of Mind something I really believe in and something you should go and check out.

It’s a week that I always want to be involved in but one that I really struggle to get too involved in.

The problem I have with this week, is it is ultimately just too blooming hard.

I would love to be strong enough to shout and scream from the rooftops about Rhianna and babyloss but it brings up too many memories, too much pain, too many tears.

And I don’t think I am alone in that.

I think there are lots of us, mum’s, dad’s, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends that all want to be more vocal about the reality of Babyloss but who actually find it really hard.

There is such a stigma around babyloss but there is also many, hundreds, thousands that want to do more, but mentally it just isn’t possible.

There are others who are amazing and I am in awe of them, and I am so pleased as there are so many that fight the babies lost corners.

Then there are others who say nothing and silently, quietly work through their despair, and their grief day in day out.

And that’s ok.

Then there are others who talk as openly as they can about their losses, their anxieties, their grief, their fears. Some days that’s fine and they can openly say how they are feeling, some days it is so hard they can’t find the words and don’t know how to explain it to anyone as they just don’t understand it themselves.

And that’s fine too.

I think if I had to categorise myself I would be in the last category.

And actually after Rhianna dying nearly 8 years ago now, I am a bit more confident in my triggers.

Sometimes I never know when I will be triggered and when the raw pain will hit. Other times I have a good idea.

I know that birthdays are not the best time for me, I struggle with the lead up to the birthday and I struggle a lot in the days after.

Next week BB turns 11 and actually his birthday is the beginning of all of our birthdays. It’s his then Mr L’s, then Boos and then mine. It is the start of the whole families birthday and I struggle with that.

Once all our birthdays are over we have a month and then its Rhianna’s birthday.

And having all of that coming up means I am not always strong enough to take on talking about Rhianna through out Babyloss Awareness Week as well.

In the past it has really stressed me out. But this year I am ok with that.

If I can do it, I will, if I can’t I won’t, one year I may have a lot to say, another I may have nothing to say. And that’s ok.

Babyloss is hard enough, to be beating yourself up about the fact you are actively participating in Babyloss Awareness Week is a stress that we should not be putting on ourselves.

It’s a week where we can quietly participate, we can share stories, the campaign’s, and we can still spread the word for all our babies lost. We don’t have to tell our stories, we don’t have to do any more than that.

We can if we want to and we don’t have to if we don’t want to or just can’t open up the wounds that year.