Stillbirth in EastEnders

Yesterday I read on Facebook that EastEnders are going to have a stillbirth storyline with Shabnam and Kush’s baby that will be aired at the end of August.

My first reaction was to stop watching EastEnders, I didn’t want to be reminded of Rhianna Lily dying, I live it every day, I didn’t need to see it on a TV show that I watch to switch my mind off really.

However then I walked away and couldn’t actually stop thinking about it, and it isn’t true I wont stop watching it.

I will make sure Baba doesn’t watch it as it is a programme he will sometimes sit and watch, so it is important that we hide it away from him, he is far too sensitive to see anything about a stillbirth on TV. But I want to watch it.

I want to see how they tackle the storyline, I know that EastEnders have been working closely with SANDS, and I hope that it is dealt with brilliantly.

I don’t want a stillbirth storyline, to be done and dusted and dealt with within a couple of months. It is never dealt with. It is never dusted and finished with.

I am an avid EastEnders fan as is all of my family, and watching the show as I do, there are somethings as a Mummy of a stillborn I would actually like to see on the show.

For starters EastEnders currently has three babies on the square, and you know what seeing a baby across the street after yours has died, is not fun, standing in a queue, in a café, or walking next to them on the street isn’t fun, it isn’t easy and when we first lost Rhianna would literally stop me in my tracks and make me burst into tears. I hope that they don’t just walk around normally, I hope that it is shown that babies are so hard to look at.

Dad’s get forgotten, it is a horrible thing to say but they do, people rush past them, hug the mum and tell them to look after them. You know what they have lost their baby too, their heart is ripped out, who looks after them? They are expected to stand tall, hold up the mum, the other children and everyone else who is falling apart and they free fall. Loosing a child is a taboo, a dad grieving is an even bigger taboo, and I really hope that this is discussed. People don’t think about the dads, they don’t realise they fall apart. Everyone thinks the mum has made plans for their child that has died, dads make them too, Mr L had planned Rhianna being a teenager, and meeting her first boyfriend, he had planned walking her down the aisle and he doesn’t get to do any of that! Their hearts are broken, it needs to be shown, it needs to be explored.

You know what there are issues when a baby dies, it is a taboo, and actually the fact it is a taboo needs to be shown. People cross the road, people put their heads down, people keep their children away from you, people don’t tell you they are expecting a baby, they don’t know what to say to you so they stay away. They leave you, sometimes in your darkest hour, because no one knows what to say or do. It needs to be shown how uncomfortable people are around a baby dying.

A stillbirth affects everyone. Grandparents, aunties, uncles, mum, dad, cousins, friends everyone around you. It isn’t just mum and dad. A big stone is thrown in your water and the ripples keep knocking people over, and it needs to be shown.

As a mummy of a stillborn, no one grieves the same, mum and dad do it very differently, sometimes they come together, sometimes they do it very differently, some talk about them all the time, some don’t. That is Mr L and I, I talk about Rhianna all the time, he doesn’t it doesn’t mean he misses her less he just does it differently. However it has caused massive issues we really fought about it at first but we both understand now. I hope they don’t split them up because of the stillborn, not everyone splits up because of loosing a child, it can rip families apart, it can bring them closer. It would be nice if a soap explored the latter option.

But the one thing I hope they do is continue it. Loosing a child never changes, I don’t know if they baby is coming early or is on its due date, but if it is early the due date is horrific. The first birthday, the first celebration of anything that your baby should be there is hell. There is no getting away from your baby’s death, it doesn’t stop after a couple of weeks, months or years and I really hope they continue that within the story.

So I hope you don’t switch off, I hope you do watch and I hope EastEnders highlights the reality of a stillbirth and that it gets people talking about the taboo of a baby dying.