Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day and I would like to be blogging about the beautiful day we have been having.

When the truth is it has been a bloody difficult day.

It’s been emotional, draining and tiring.

The kids have been great at times and then really difficult at times.

Boo and I have both come out in hideous colds.

Which hasn’t exactly helped matters at all.

But its the emotional side that has been the hardest.

It is so important to me that we make Father’s and Mother’s Day important.

That it is special for the boys, even more so in some respects than any other day.

That they are enough to celebrate the days.

That it becomes really really hard.

It becomes draining.

We try our hardest to be happy from the moment we get our presents until they go to bed.

But we miss Rhianna every moment of the day.

And it is all the more prominent.

Only having two cards, only having presents from two kids.

It is horrible and shit to be honest.

There is no other way to explain it.

There is just a sadness there and it never disappears it never gets better.

It is just there every year.

Every Father’s Day. Every Mother’s Day.

Making the day almost impossible.

Making the day a horrible version of the day it should be.

Making the day a sad version of the day it should be.

Making the day an emotional version of the day it should be.

And it makes it so draining.

It takes the wind out of you.

By the time the kids are in bed your drained.

Your emotional.

And to be honest if I had my way I would curl and hide for the rest of the week.

But I can’t.

And I won’t.

But I wish I could.

I wish I never felt this way.

I wish for all the special days I could make the pain go away at times.

I wish I could experience these days as they should’ve been.

And not experience them the way they are now.

I wish our lives could be our alternative version.