An Unmemorable Birthday

The beginning of the lockdown in the UK fell on Rhiannas birthday and it broke my heart.

Nearly two months later my heart is still broken about her birthday being in lockdown.

Having a birthday in lockdown is an amazing thing.

It’s a historical thing.

How many people in a few years will be able to say they had a birthday in lockdown.

They had a virtual quiz night, they had a drive by of people singing Happy Birthday, they had a virtual sleep over, a virtual disco, a virtual games night.

All of it will go down in history.

And it is pretty amazing.

If Rhianna was here we would have been doing the exact same things and we would have celebrated it and made sure we never forgot her birthday in lockdown.

But we didn’t and we couldn’t as she isn’t here.

And the one thing we always do, go to the beach, is the one thing that we couldn’t do.

At the time I said we would make it another day and make it special but as the time has gone on the realisation is that that won’t happen.

Rhiannas birthday is celebrated by us alone.

Her birthday is remembered by others, don’t get me wrong, and we are eternally grateful others remember her birthday.

But it is celebrated by us alone.

And this year that celebration was taken away from us.

We can go to the beach, we can try to re-celebrate her birthday, but we won’t, we can’t, as her birthday falls on one day. And one day alone.

Only we celebrate it on her birthday.

And this year we haven’t been able to.

Her birthday has been and gone.

It’s done and it was rubbish.

And we won’t ever get that back.

Because we can’t.

Her birthday has gone this year it wasn’t a birthday that will be remembered for being in the lockdown.

It wasn’t a birthday that will be remembered for having strange and wonderful things happen on her birthday.

It was a birthday that was silent.

It was a birthday that stopped us from celebrating her.

It was a birthday that will be remembered for a long time, for all the wrong reasons.

It was a birthday I would prefer to forget if I could.

But I can’t can I because forgetting is something I will never do.

Instead it’s a birthday that is full of pain.

Full of pain on the day and full of pain months later.

And I am so sad about it.

And there is nothing that can be done to change it, or make it better.