Waves
Grief comes in waves.
You never really know when it will hit.
You think you can predict it.
And you can’t.
You think you know when a day will be a bad day.
And it can be fine.
Then a day that you have no reason why is the hardest day ever.
And there is no rhyme or reason.
It just floors you and is hard.
And it doesn’t matter what you do you can’t make it disappear.
It’s a wave you have to ride.
And you have to stay on it until it disappears.
And just wait until it comes along again.
There’s no right or wrong way to deal with bad days.
Sometimes what worked before won’t work again.
There is no real plan.
When it happens it happens.
When it hits it hits.
And you just have to go with it until the pain reduces, until next time.
You never get of this journey.
It just changes every year, every month, every week, every day.
There’s no cure.
No stopping.
It’s just different.
Thank you so much for this post.
Strange to say, I have never understood grief before. People whom I knew who passed away were not close to me. I might have felt briefly teary at their funeral but that was it. Then in the autumn my husband and best friend of many years passed away. He too had never experienced true grief. In the weeks leading up to his death he said that once he had passed away I would have a few teary moments and then I should crack on with the rest of my life.
However, since he passed away I have been shocked by the intensity of the grief I have experienced and the unpredictability that you describe. It feels primeval… and not me at all. The other day I had a complete meltdown in front of two people I hardly knew. The fact that I didn’t feel in the least embarrassed lead me to conclude that the grief comes from a part of me that isn’t the conscious me – if that makes sense. No wonder I can’t control it.
I am so sorry for loss. I totally agree grief does come from a place you definitely can’t control. It’s raw and so tough at times. And honestly I don’t think grief like this leaves you, you just learn to live with it. The good waves become longer. But it never goes!
Thank you for replying.
Yes, I’ve heard people say the process is to learn to live with it, you don’t get over it… but that’s OK. Grief is the price we pay for love.