Missing A Child At Christmas

It is never easy.

You never really know how you will feel.

Sometimes you are ok.

Sometimes you can barely get out of bed.

But every year you get up with a piece of you missing.

Missing a child, is missing the joy, the laughter, the presents, the wrapping, the stocking, the early wake up.

It’s missing the excitement, missing the cards, missing the Christmas clothes.

The girl toys, the girl trends, it’s the lack of pink, unicorns, ponies, dolls and dress up.

It’s seeing the hole in everything you do.

The gap in the stockings.

The gap in the photos.

The empty space where Rhianna should be.

Missing a child at Christmas changes Christmas.

A piece of the magic is missing.

The pain of the day is held down.

The smiles are forced onto your face whatever you feel.

The tears are held back for as long as possible.

Missing a child at Christmas means there are walks to graveyards.

There are flowers brought.

Flowers placed down.

And the smallest amount of memories held onto.

There are why’s, what if’s and how it could have been.

And then there’s reality.

When the rest of Christmas is done and the quiet of the day happens.

And the tears flow.

Because missing a child at Christmas never becomes easy.

Never becomes right.

And is never ok.

Having a stocking missing every year remains as hard as it was the first year.

It never becomes the norm.

Missing a child at Christmas remains so hard!