Hospitals and Mr L

A week ago on Saturday I blogged about Mr L being rushed into hospital, we were home and we thought that was the last of it. He was home on the Saturday, and still had pains in the morning, but by lunchtime they seemed to have gone and he seemed to be pain-free for the rest of the afternoon. We had a family meal in the evening and Mr L was all ready to come as he felt fine, he got ready and we were literally just about to leave as the pains came back.

They were intense and he was doubled up in pain, and they didn’t seem to go. We spent the next few minutes wondering what to do, whether they were going to go, or whether they were here to stay. After a little while he decided that he wasn’t able to go to the meal he was just in too much pain. However I wasn’t happy with him being on his own while we were out, incase something happened so he went up his mothers so that he had other people around. We were only out for three hours, and he was on the phone saying that he needed to go back to hospital the pain hadn’t decreased at all and it was worse than the day before. After a quick drive home, we left Baba at his Nannies for the night and made the drive back down to A and E.

We were quickly taken back to the A and E ward that Mr L was on yesterday and he was given some pain relief and we were then told that he would need an ultrasound to see what the issue was so he was put on nil by mouth and it was a case of waiting for the correct team.

Mr L dosed through the night, and so did I. By the time it got to 2am I went to see what was happening and the team was tied up with another patient so we were told there was still a long wait. Between the two of us I decided to go home and would call again in the morning hoping that Mr L would have had his scan and we would finally know what was going on.

It was strange walking into an empty house, and to be honest I was done, I was shattered and I really had had enough I couldn’t believe after everything we had been through with Rhianna this was then happening as well. I got in and finally fell asleep to the sound of the TV at about 4am in the morning.

I woke and rang the ward that morning to be told that Mr L was being moved and had been admitted to a ward. As he was now in a ward I wasn’t able to visit until 3pm. I finally got through to him and he told me that he had been told that he wasn’t going to be scanned on Sunday as they didn’t do them, but would be scanned on the Monday. We were both gutted.

Baba stayed with his Nanny for the day, freeing me up to try to sleep and go and see Mr L in the afternoon as no children were allowed on the ward.

This was our week, Mr L had no scan on the Monday and was still nil by mouth, until I had a very tense conversation with the nurse and finally got them to feed him. He was then promised the scan on Tuesday and was even told he would be taken down at 11am to only be told at 11.45am that they were no longer scanning. Yet again we had a few hours of Mr L walking and getting very down in the dumps, in the end he asked if Baba could go in as he had not seen him since Saturday and it was getting to him. The nurses did say yes and it was an instant lift as soon as he saw him you could tell that it improved his mood. Baba lasted an hour, luckily I thought it wouldn’t be long before he got bored so I had arranged for Nanny and Grandad to collect him so I could stay for the full visiting time.

That evening Mr L got moved onto another ward and was told that his scan time was at 9.20am the next morning. We didn’t really believe them. After all we were hitting his fourth day in there, three days with no pain, but still no scan. So we were both pleasantly surprised when he called the Wednesday morning to say he had been scanned and he was coming home, as it showed nothing. The doctors still think it is gallstones, but are not 100% sure so he still had a few tests etc when he was home.

But at last he was home. It was horrible being on my own. Baba was a great distraction, but he missed Daddy terribly, Tito missed him too. He would wait at the window from 5.30pm onwards when no one arrived by 7pm he sulked himself off upstairs to his bed, so I didn’t even have him for company. Baba was a little pickle in the evenings but would still be in bed around the usual time. So by 8.30ish I was completely on my own. I hated it.

I was angry I was really angry that this was happening to us as well as Rhianna. I seriously questioned how much more any of us could take. It wasn’t fair and I hated lots of things those few days. I thought about blogging about it all, instead I decided to turn the computer off and not really speak to anyone.

If I did write about it, it would have been about my anger. How I didn’t think I was coping that great and how I was so sad every evening and couldn’t sleep without the TV on and cried most nights, out of frustration more than anything. But I knew that if I did that then I would be opening my feelings up to the world. I know sounds stupid when you read my posts about Rhianna. But that is different I want people to read about them. This I didn’t want anyone to know. Mainly because I didn’t want people calling to check I was ok. I didn’t want to see people I didn’t want to speak to people. So instead I did the next best thing.

I cleaned.

When I say cleaned I don’t just mean a quick once over, I blitzed. From top to bottom, I moved stuff around the house, I sorted through cupboards, pulled out furniture. Cleaned, cleaned and cleaned.

I started on the Monday and didn’t really stop until yesterday. Once I started I literally couldn’t stop it was like I felt I had to clean to get all the bad feeling, thoughts and issues out of my head, I needed it all out of the house and I needed it out of my head. Each day I woke feeling a little bit better. Each room that was cleaned a little bit of stress was taken away. There have been things in the house needing to be done, since before Christmas with all the shit that has been happening none of them have been done. But at last I feel on top of everything.

Mr L is now on the mend, he is back home, and back at work, and I feel so much better that the house is tidy. I know where everything is and I can now move forward with work, and doing things with Baba. We can cook again, the garden looks tidy, I can write, I can study, I can craft and so can Baba as he has a gorgeous art area that he loves.