Rhianna Lily’s Debriefing

We have finally got the date, the tests are all back and the bloods have all been checked out and the results are in.

We got a phone call last week to set the date for Rhianna’s debriefing. They did offer us yesterday but we didn’t have the time to organise childcare and for Mr L to get time off work so we had to say no to the cancellation that they offered us. Instead we have got the debriefing on the 5th of July at 10am.

I have already written how I feel about the debriefing and I still feel the same. It is a crossed emotion, part of me is so pleased it is finally happening and we get the final results of what happened although we already are 99% sure of what happened this will hopefully confirm it, but the flip side as I have said before is that it is the end of her story medically and for some reason that completely freaks me out.

I am nervous about going, even though we think we know what happened, this could show up something that we really are not expecting and that scares me. What if it was a genetic thing? What if whatever happened to Rhianna can happen again? What if it is something to do with me, us or something so completely different? There are so many questions and I know that they need answering but they also completely and utterly scare me, what the actual outcome will be.

But the worst thing is the date, Rhianna’s debriefing is the 5th of July Rhianna was due on the 15th July, so instead of packing our bags and getting ready to greet our gorgeous little girl, we will be making another walk through the hospital corridors with no baby, and preparing to hear about why our little girl had to die.