I Am Still Here

I feel a little disconnected from blogging at the moment, and no this isn’t another I am not blogging because of this this and this. It is more just me.

I haven’t been 100% for a while now and things are really taking it out of me, little things that shouldn’t take long seem to be taking forever and it is taking all my energy to just look after the house and the other half and the child. Let alone myself, and my internet presence and my blog to be honest.

We have had some fantastic news in the past couple of weeks stuff that will all be revealed later down the line, you will have to wait for that, and some super dooper sucky news as well. That really knocked both of us off our feet. We really thought we were in the shit, for a while and potentially we still could be, but we are both trying to be positive, the fantastic news we got is keeping us going. But to stay where we are now there are some major changes happening.

I am back babysitting with an agency I used to work for many moons ago, and to be honest it is draining, I have done a lot of work over the last couple of weeks and it is starting to show. It is a strange feeling, Mr L coming in and I walking out. It is bizarre, coming home to a dark house, and a dog desperate for his late night pee! It is strange going to bed and not actually have spoken to any of my family, or said goodnight to anyone. Most nights have been weekends although I am working tomorrow night which will be strange, I wont actually speak to Mr L for many many hours, as he will be sleeping when I get in, and I will be sleeping when he leaves! It is a strange existence at the moment, one that is taking a while to get used to. But one that seems to work for our family at this precise moment.

But next year things are changing again, Mr L is going to be working Saturdays, so our Sundays are going to become very special to us, and very family orientated. He is going to hate it at first I know that and so am I, he is good to have around on a Saturday Baba is used to him being home, and he will find it really hard. But it is something that we need to get used to for the next year or so. So lots of things are changing, at first we thought we thought it was all for the worst. It isn’t now it is all for the better. But it is things that I haven’t been able to talk about things that I haven’t really had the words to express how I feel about it all. But I am feeling that whether I have the words or not, or whether I am 100% I still need to write.

Writing is something that comes so naturally to me, and I really don’t like not to write I do become restless and uncomfortable, yes I have been posting blogs, not as regularly as I used to not at all, and I do have some reviews to write, (they are coming I promise) but even so I haven’t been writing about what I have really wanted as there are so many things that I can’t 100% talk about and it has almost put me off the writing. I have become a bit robotic about it all and I don’t want to be like that.

But I feel like I have enough to talk about it without talking about it now, and I feel like the fog has been removed, maybe I am waffling I don’t know. But the more I write the clearer it all becomes.

So I am still here, I am fighting the muckyness that is in my head and we will come out the other side fighting, but for now it is going to take a little getting used too! But all will be ok.

Just bear with me until I am 100% as everything is taking that little bit longer, and before I know it the day has gone, and my writing time has drifted away for another day. I need my routine back, I need to know where I am but for now it is taking a little while, but I am still here…