Believing In Me

The last few weeks as you could probably tell I have been feeling a bit Meh about things.

I bet fed up, and like I am not doing what I should be doing.

It got bad, I debated everything that I was doing. Whether I should be doing it or should be attempting something completely different.

I was pretty miserable if I am totally honest.

In the end I decided to totally step away for a little while.

I turned off all my social media for a couple of days I stopped posting.

I stopped looking at what others were doing.

I stopped writing things.

I stopped keeping up with the Jones and I stopped comparing.

Instead I spent time with my boys, all five of them, dogs included.

We went to the beach, we played board games, we watched movies, we ate together and we all spent time together.

In that short space of time of shutting off one thing that became very clear to me is that I lack confidence in me.

I doubt what I do.

If I am totally honest I have known it for a while, but has been easier to find something else that is wrong than to admit to this. As this is all me and only me, and only I can change it.

I try to please everyone, I try to do things that will always keep others happy. But that doesn’t always mean I am happy.

It sometimes means I am doing things I am not happy about, it sometimes means I am happy about it, but it also sometimes means I put others feelings in front of my own and actually stop my own happiness at times.

As I doubt myself I let people plant seeds that make me wonder about what I am doing.

I remember years ago someone asked me what I did and I told them I ran Scrapbookerry and made scrapbooks and they asked if that was really a proper job. And it put doubt into my head, even though I was good at it. That doubt niggles at me.

I listened to that rather than followed what I was good at.

I took it to heart.

I have have it said about Tropic too, well its not a real job and I take it too heart and I doubt I am that good at it.

I am, I know deep down I am.

But I compare myself to others too much. I worry about what others are posting, are doing and I compare and I shouldn’t.

When I do things in my own way I am good at them.

When I decide I am going to do something I generally get it achieved.

Why I feel the need to compare myself to someone else who has completely different circumstances to me I do not know.

It is something I really need to work on.

It is something I need to focus on.

I need to believe I am good enough.

I need to stop comparing.

And I need to do what makes me happy and not stop myself from doing things to look after other people.

Life isn’t a trial run.

We know that more than some others.

And I need to start being more confident.

More believing and more me.

Rather than being someone else.

And doing things their way instead of my way.

I need to be me.

I need to believe in me.

I need to be confident in me.