A Harsh Reality
When I was younger I always felt like I was a walk over, don’t get me wrong I had a good set of friends, friends that are still in my life now. Maybe not regularly but they are still there, some have drifted away but they are the type of friends that if I had a complete and utter disaster they would be there within seconds.
But I still felt like I was a walk over, I spent lots of time being there for other friends, making sure they were ok, but could be almost in tears in front of them and they wouldn’t even notice, I used to feel very alone.
It has been a common theme in my life feeling very alone, always feeling like I am battling the world on my own. I know that is partly my own fault as I am rubbish at asking for help, I will silently battle on all by myself and there are a couple of fantastic friends who realise I am doing it. But otherwise it seems to go unnoticed.
I suppose I was never a good judge of character, I used to find the people who would take and take but never want to give anything. I always needed someone to guide me!
Mr L is a great judge of character and can spot a wrong’n a mile away, he has a tiny amount of friends but they are all loyal and they all stand by one another. I have to admit as the years have gone by I thought that I had learnt how to do, it is not a thing that comes naturally to me but I really thought I had mastered the art of spotting a wrong’n.
Unfortunately the harsh reality is that I haven’t learnt it. I am still too trusting and still completely useless at judging people’s characters. I have had a few shocks over the last few weeks people I thought were genuine friends have really let me done and done the dirty on me. People I thought of as friends but not close friends have really stepped up to the mark and helped me out when I have needed them and it has really made me think.
It has scared me a little, that at 30 years of age things that were happening to me at nine are repeating themselves, when will I ever learn?
Let me share a little perspective with you from my recent journey.
I too felt like a walk over. I resented the amount I gave to my friends and felt that it was very 1 sided. I began to withdraw from my friendships because I was fed up of them treating me like I was a walk over.
And then something happened. I had all this help from Trevor and in that process I stopped seeing myself as unlikeable and I started to notice the nice comments my friends made about me on FB and my blog (I discounted them before). I opened myself up and realised that it was not about me but the barriers that I were seeing were their barriers. I asked myself “How is this NOT about me but about them” and things started to come into perspective. Now I didn’t look so much for that recognition from them, now I was comfortable in being myself and in anything I could do, I suddenly found they became closer.
It felt like my best friend had walked right back into my life but the reality was she was always there, I just couldn’t see it.
It may be a bit of a trite statement, but if you like yourself, you will find those other things don’t look the same. You are seeing the world through crap-tinted glasses (as opposed to rose-tinted) because of how much you’ve been struggling yourself lately.
Ask yourself “how might these things not be about me” or as you have those thoughts “Is that really true? how does it being true make me feel? How would I feel if it wasn’t true?”
(sorry for the long comment!)
I love this and you are so true, I know that you are, and I really am making an effort to try to look through the rose glasses than the crap ones to be honest. Thank you so much for the comment xx
It may come as scant consolation but I know exactly what you mean. Except I’m 40. No, sorry, I’m 41.
I just love the fact that you have to correct yourself on your age that made me laugh thanks for that xx
Blimey…I could have written this myself its so relevant to what I’m going through at the moment. Chin up girl, people who aren’t genuine are no loss in your life. Sending you a ‘know how you feel’ hug x
Thanks hun and chin up back xx
Don’t ever learn-because that means you would be hiding something genuine about yourself.
Just do what feels right to you at the moment.
Sound advice there as per usual thank you xx