Not Broody is that so Bad?
I have been thinking about this for quite a while now, and then last week Insomniac Mummy wrote this post about being Incompletely Broody and it rang a bell. Not the same bell, the bell of the absolute opposite in fact.
I have my gorgeous son Baba who is now the grand old age of 17 months! I do want another one, but not yet! When I say not yet I really mean NOT YET!
My biggest problem with having another child, is that I HATED being pregnant, I was sick for 8 months of the 9 months, and it wasn’t a relieve when I was ill, I felt ill for the whole 24 hours. I hated it. I couldn’t sleep properly when I did get to sleep I got cramp, at one point I was getting cramp three to four times a night and was in agony. There where days where I literally just had to lie down all day as I felt so poorly.
I can not face all of that at the moment, especially with a 17 month old to look after! I know that every pregnancy can be different but I don’t want to risk that it wont.
Then there is the other side of a tiny baby, I love the fact that we are known as Baba and myself we come as a twosome, and I don’t want to change that at the moment.
I don’t want to share the special times that I have with Baba, look at my previous post I don’t think so…Not Happy I am not even prepared to share him with Mr L. So I don’t want to have to split my time between two babies, I may be selfish I am not sure, I do want another child just not yet. I have always imagined having a three-year gap between my children and I still feel like that now.
Mr L however has different ideas, there are 22 months between him and his sister and he has always wanted a similar gap between his children. For the past four months, he has been saying he wants another baby and keeps asking whether we can have another one, and is met by a no! This has been driving me mad. So when Insomniac Mummy posted her blog last week, I thought that it was time to actually talk about this to Mr L, properly at last.
So there I was ready for a bit of a discussion and some to and fro conversation, and Mr L completely surprised me.
“I don’t think we should have a baby yet!”
Well there was me sitting with my mouth wide open, it was a complete turn around it is all he has been going on about for months.
He then confessed holding his sisters baby (she was born last week) has made him realise that we couldn’t cope with another baby not yet, and we should just enjoy having Baba and rethink about another baby at christmas! I was so shocked but so pleased that we didn’t have to get into a debate about this. I will be much happier thinking about this in a few months time.
So now I don’t feel so bad about not being broody, and I can just enjoy my little man.
I am grateful to Mr L’s sister for having her babe to change her brothers mind. Thank you!
Like you I had a terrible pregnancy – I was sick and at the end I had horrendous heartburn. Added to that the worry after pre-eclampsia in the previous pregnancy and my little boy dying after being born too premature, it meant the pregnancy was awful. But I really want another. I am definitely broody. But I am not sure we will because my hubby is a stay at home dad and at 50 with a heart op under his belt and a knackered back it’s not fair on him 🙁
Oh my god, that is awful I am so sorry for you to go through all of that you poor thing! Makes me moaning about being sick feel very stupid now!
not at all – sh** happens as they say. But like you, pregnancy is defo no fun for me. Makes you wonder why you put yourself through it!
It does doesn’t it and I think more than anything Mr L was getting to me as its easy for him he doesn’t have to go through it. Don’t get me wrong he was great when I was pregnant but they can never truly understand can they and he was almost flippant about doing it again and could not understand why I kept saying no, I think he had forgot. Then his sister having her babe has brought it all back I think so he is now back in reality.
My hubby is neither for nor against. He is certainly not pushing for it but won’t refuse if I insist! But I have to lose weight and get fit before we will even consider it so there is a natural time limit on it
I know I am still trying to lose my baby weight from last time and my best friend is getting married next year so I want t lose it before then I don’t want to have a big fat baby stomach for that there are so many things to consider aren’t there then it is the boring financial side of it as well. Its a big decision!
yeah financial definitely a consideration. And losing the baby weight and baby belly is hell. Just have other priorities with the little one. I’m hogging your comments here! lol
I totally agree with all that, and don’t worry about hogging my comments not a problem thanks for reading my blog
I’ll go a step further and say I don’t want any more children. ever. i just couldn’t cope with the getting pregnant and getting fat and being sick and giving birth and still being fat and sleepless nights. And i hated breastfeeding – does that me awful?
No not at all it doesn’t make you awful. Just realistic and truthful nowt wrong with that!
I would deffo have had a bigger gap between my kids – if the clock wasn’t ticking so loudly for me. Had my second son when eldest was 2 and a half – and it was bloody hard work. Think everyone is different, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying time with your first and not rushing into another. I even considered just having one – but did feel a bit broody. If two miscarriages hadn’t set our timetable back a bit, I’d have gone for a gap of 4 years. Then at least your first child is starting school and can give you a bit of one-on-one time with baby number two.
Baba is two and a half now so there will be a longer gap we have always thought three ish is a good age. Baba is already at pre school one morning a week soon to be increased so that helps already xx
hi there – saw this and had to add my pennysworth – I was never broody but I always thought that I would have 2 children.. I had the pregnancy from hell with DD was in a wheelchair for months and took me about 18 months to get back to ‘normal’ plus was in immense pain. We went through 2 more rounds of IVF last year – one was almost successful to the point I was pregnant for a brief time and my back pain came back straight away.
We’ve now decided not to try again – but it was a massively hard decision. I was actually frightened of being pregnant and the impact my pain etc would have on the family I already had and so we decided that it was better to keep what we had than risk it. Even though I know it’s the right decision I still feel guilty for not being brave enough.
But analysing it I also realised that I don’t know if I really did want two children I think I just thought that was the norm. I am not a broody person at all (I always say I like children just couldn’t eat a whole one) and if it had been easy I expect I’d have been a 2.4 family in a flash but having to decide also made me really assess whether it was right for me – and although I do have some regrets I wonder if nature was making the decision for me.. the guilt is still there but I also think that I am a mum made for one…
I think what I am trying to say is there are always reasons for everything, whether it’s fate or timing or health.. so enjoy what you have to the max and deal with what comes round the corner when it arrives 😉 C x
PS on a totally different note love the font you use – what is it?
Wow that is a really indepth story there and some great advice and points highlighted. I know I want two but you can never decide these things can you. No one knows what will happen so we will just have to wait and see xx