Finding Pieces of the Past
This weekend I have been having a complete blitz.
Over the past few weeks we have decorated downstairs, which has meant we have completely uncluttered and moved all the junk away from the kitchen and the lounge, to be honest most of the stuff that didn’t immediately go into the bin has been moved into our bedroom, in a ‘to be sorted’ pile. Today I started that pile.
It was a case of going through bags of items that have been hidden in cupboards for many years, and working out what was important enough to be kept, and what was rubbish and really needed to be chucked.
It was a task to be honest, and one that is still not finished!
But one that needed to be done.
One thing I did find was a load of journals.
Journals full of my deepest feelings, and thoughts.
Four years in total.
Three years not finished, all started but none finished and one finished one.
Only one out of the four was completely written in, every single day, for 365 days.
The only year that I have ever finished a journal and written in it every day is in 2012, the worst year of my life.
I have always started a journal for the same reason, so that I can read back on years gone by and for me to pass onto the boys, (not that I am sure if they will appreciate it) but it is something that I have always wanted to pass on.
As it currently stands the only journal that is totally complete is one of complete and utter heartbreak, and misery. It’s important, it changed our lives, but it is really sad to read. I read some today.
It is heartbreaking to read.
And you know what I don’t want that to be the only complete journal that I ever write in my life.
I still have days where life is rubbish and all I want to do is cry, I will always have those days. But we have fun days.
We have happy days.
And I want to record them.
Not in the way that I write about things on the blog, not for the world to see. But I want to write things down, happy things, and finish another year in a journal.
So tomorrow I am off to buy a journal.
A really gorgeous one.
A pretty one.
A girlie one.
One that I can fill in, write my deepest thoughts, the fun things we do. Write about the boys and have a journal to actually see how far we have come since 2012.
Because we have come far, I know that we have come far.
But it would be really nice to write it down, to read it, to see it in black and white.
So tomorrow journal buying is the plan, and writing is my agenda for 2016!