Being A Little Proud Of Myself

When the new year came I knew that I didn’t want to make many resolutions. After all I was 10 weeks pregnant with the second babe of the family, looking after Baba, trying to sort the house, studying and trying to run Scrapbookerry. To top it all of I was trying to do all of this with a very bad back that has basically crippled me for the whole month after falling down the stairs to be honest.

So I didn’t set myself anything stupid and I didn’t make any plans but I did make a couple of commitments. Firstly I decided after getting two diaries one for my lovely filofax that Mr L brought me and another gorgeous pink page a day diary that I would use the pink diary as a journal. Nothing will make me give up my filofax not has it has taken years to buy another one that’s for sure.

So I picked a journal for a few reasons. I love blogging, I have from the moment I started two years ago. But there are some things that I just do not feel comfortable in putting on my blog. There are personal things, thoughts and situations that are just not right for the blog. I could record them all but that would mean being totally anonymous and I am not that type of person to be honest. So that is not possible.

The other reason is that I love the pen to paper act of writing a journal. There is something so refreshing writing things down in a book. I love it. I am very interested in history and I love seeing peoples writing. The first reason I started blogging was that I wanted Baba to be able to read things about himself but I would love for my children in the future to pick up my journal see my writing, and to understand me a little better in years and years to come.

I wasn’t confident that I would achieve the whole journalling thing to be honest. I have many started journals in the house from when I was younger but none are completed. But I am surprised that now near the end of the first month of the year I have managed to write in my journal everyday and it has become a habit. I have found it enlightening as well.

I can be free in my journal. No one is judging what I am writing no one is reading it and I am finding on days when pregnancy, bad backs, family and children all get too much I can get my feelings out in it and I feel so much better afterwards. It is making me think about things. Realise that things are not really as bad as I think they are or if they really are that bad that things can be sorted in a different way.

I am bad when pregnant, I am completely irrational and my emotions are at a completely different level to normal. Mr L described my last pregnancy as living with the devil. He pretty much avoided me as much as possible in my pregnancy with Baba and would go our as much as possible as I was so bad to be around. He obviously can’t do that this time round we don’t have a surplus income anymore we have Baba who wants to spend as much time with Daddy as possible. I am sure Mr L would probably still say I am just as bad but I don’t feel so irrational I really do feel that journalling is helping. Some things have really stressed me out in the last month and I haven’t reacted as bad as I could as I have had that realisation moment while I have been writing about the event so I am hoping I am not as bad anyway!

So all in all I love my journal and am so pleased that I decided to start one again. I can not wait to see a full book with my writing, my thoughts, my feelings and my whole life for the last year written in it. I currently am proud of doing a month as I started the 27th of December so imagine the feeling I will have when I get to the first of January 2013 it will be amazing.

My second commitment I will write about in a couple of days. But it is something that I feel equally proud of and refreshed by every day. Did you start anything at the beginning of January and are pleased that you are still doing nearly a month on?