Today we were all awake early, at first we all just laid there. Mr L decided to get Baba ready for school and I walked around the house in a daze. It was very hard to pack a bag for today.
After all packing a bag for your babies birth is supposed to be the most exciting thing in the world. It is supposed to be the happiest days of your lives. You should be literally jumping for joy knowing that you are finally going to be meeting them, that taking this car drive just the two of you, is the last time that will happen, when you come out it is going to be another addition to your family. There will now be four rather than three.
Although that wasn’t happening for us was it. We were taking the drive to hospital as a family of three, and coming out of the hospital as a family of four but with no baby in the back seat. No gorgeous happy ending for us. It was still going to be just the three of us, so that drive from hospital was going to be no different to the drive to hospital.
It was a numbing feeling, and I cried lots just getting the bag ready. For some reason I went completely blank with what I needed, I packed Baba’s luggage for his stay at Nannies much easier than I did my own bag. But eventually it was done.
PJ’s, spare clothes, wash stuff, sanitary towels, camera, book, tablet for the man, charger, phone, money and some food. It was about all I could muster I really couldn’t think of anything else that I had to take. All I wanted with me was the camera, I was quite literally obsessed with the camera, as long as I had that I was ok.
I remember going to the little drawer in Baba’s room that had a selection of clothes for Rhianna that I had brought and Mr L had brought me for mother’s day not even a week ago, and holding them all to my bump. Thinking that I should take something for her to wear but also knowing that not one of them would fit, even though they were all tiny baby. They were all outfits picked for our special girl, a yellow and black Baby K all in one short outfit, a Donald duck blue spotty dress, a pink and white stripy all in one short outfit with a flamingo on the front, pink booties, and a gorgeous pink coat. All perfect for her, yet all far to big and nothing that would fit today. All outfits that she would never actually get to wear. I stood and cried, and held the booties staring at them wishing that she had at least one outfit that was brought for her from us, her Mummy and Daddy.
Out of the corner of my eye I also saw the white shawl. It was my shawl and there are numerous pictures with me in it, and when I was pregnant with Baba, my mum gave me the shawl to pass on to Baba. It seemed absolutely perfect that Rhianna had Mummies, and her big brothers shawl. It was the only thing that would be perfect for her. I picked it up and tentatively took it downstairs, asking Mr L if he thought that this was ok.
He agreed that it was perfect, and that he too had been looking at Rhianna’s clothes and wondering what to take with us. It was such a nice feeling knowing that we were thinking the same thing for our little girl.
We finally were all ready and dropped Baba off at his Nannies, and it is amazing how tough he is, he knew I was going into hospital and wasn’t at all fazed. He ran into the garden shouted goodbye and love you and that was it for him. Luckily Mr L managed to get him back over for a cuddle and a kiss. Even that nearly set me off this morning I was that bad.
We walked out to choruses of good luck, and thinking of you. It was coming from parents, friends on the phone and other family members.
We finally got into the hospital at 10am, we went to the labour room, walking again past that dreaded scan room, and were taken to a private room, with its own lounge, kitchen and en suite. Delivery room number 2.
We sat and waited…